30 November, 2007

Dr. Sarah Cheyette

In case I have neglected to properly toot this doctor's horn.. I must tell you that customer service has returned.. in the form of Dr. Cheyette.

We first saw her at the Palo Alto Medical Foundation. She is a pediatric neurologist who actively read Jake's gigantic 1 inch plus thick medical chart, and promptly suggested a medicine that may actually work during his episodes. (We think Maxalt may extinguish his possible migraines.) Dr. Cheyette is personable, efficient, whole-child focused.. and guess what folks.. The lady returns phone calls.. promptly. She called me after my initial call yesterday morning within two hours. When I returned her call this afternoon? She got back to me in less than two hours.. and she had some ideas on what we would look for to discover what the heck is up with his little foot weirdness. I am still worried, she can't take that away, but her quick response is so helpful

We now have an appointment for Monday. I am still hoping it resolves before we get there.

29 November, 2007

28 November, 2007

am feeling rather blue about Jake right now. His teacher, aide and Cookie (Descartes' mom ) all noticed his right foot "being favored" I finally saw it today.. when I really looked. He is not favoring his leg.

His foot is actually dropping and dragging. His right foot. is dragging and turned in.

is it nerve damage? from a fall in the back yard or some other time? He had a lump below his kneecap the size of a golf ball a while ago...

is it something worse, like a de-myelinating disorder?

do we need to get another MRI?

is he in pain?

my poor boy.

just now, I almost thought "poor me", or "why me?" I just want to celebrate our book right now.. I want to have that feeling like things are on track. I really hardly ever, nearest to never do that poor me crap.. because if it has to be someone.. I would NEVER wish this on someone else, so "why not me?" is where my mind rests.

27 November, 2007

Final Copy for the First Edition! Gulp!

Looks like Shan and I are going to let it go and start promoting this book.

Can I Sit With You?

I have a hard copy next to me and it is making me a bit giddy and a bit shy and a lot tired, knowing that the work of selling it will probably be more than the work of making it.

26 November, 2007

Snot head

She still looks pretty cute..even covered in snot.
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Still Coughing After all These Days

Poor Jake, he coughs in his sleep.
Descartes coughs and he can't sleep.
Lucy coughs so hard she throws up.
I am a little worried that this cough and cold are not related to the laryngitis and cough I had last week.

We are a tired, sort of grey family.

Jake went to school today. I called to check on him and I guess he was "not himself".

I feel very disconnected from him right now. I'm not sure I know what "himself" looks like. He just seems so non-compliant and irritated with me. Which of course makes me tired and try as I might, I'm sure I have less patience than I usually do with him.

We haven't finished the backyard. It will be winter soon anyway. How will I entertain him after school? I don't want to force him to sit down and do more work, and that's what anything seems like when he doesn't want to sit still (after sitting all day at school).

I am going to check out some ABA in action.. see if something might be good for Jake.

Always behind. Always feeling like I am not doing enough for him, or doing right by him.

25 November, 2007

Friday Night.

Okay, so we got a babysitter for our four monkeys on Friday and decided to go to Dory's Oar, Fremont Bistro Tudor pub...whatever you want to call it.

We tried no less than four different tables when we arrived and went upstairs. We really couldn't get comfortable for some reason (is this foreshadowing?). It's a Tudor style building with a fancy pants new California cuisine restaurant downstairs and an"English" pub upstairs. The two parts of the restaurant do not mesh well at all, but we had had an okay time there recently and decided to try their tapas style dining one more time before calling the place a bust.

We sat down and promptly drank an entire pitcher of Newcastle Ale. We ordered six small plates. We got another pitcher. The six small plates arrives and of the six, perhaps two were correct. The fried sweet potatoes turned out to be red new potatoes sliced and sauteed in a nasty red, vaguely spicy sauce. The artichoke dip in a bread bowl turned out to be a Mediterranean artichoke salad in a vinaigrette. The "Spanish" olives were straight from Costco.

We tried to re-order. The waiter took the corrections and disappeared. The beer was gone. The food was dismal. I went to the bathroom. Down the front stairs, past the only exit, and through the white table cloth dining room. Just after I left the table, Descartes went down the back stairs to the men's room. Jaster and Demanda were upstairs at the table waiting for something, a beer, some decent food, anything.

On my way out of the restroom I decided to go back up the front stairs instead of taking the much closer back stairwell...because I smelled something funny. I have a "pregnancy" nose. Even when I am not pregnant I can smell sour milk through a closed refrigerator door, poopy pants from the second floor of the house, a hint of almond in a cake before it hits my step-father's very allergic mouth. I can just smell stuff.

I went past the pretentious bar, around the corner towards those front stairs and saw a billow of dark nasty smoke. A woman on a cell phone was standing near it

"Oh, Hmm It looks like there is, like, a fire or something." and she continued talking.

I threw open the front (and only) door of the building and lifted the new organza and other man-made material flammable curtains away from the fire and threw them over the door, both to prop it open and to keep them from catching fire. I revealed a newly varnished and highly-attractive wooden booth aflame. When they did the recent remodel it appears that they built this booth INTO the wall atop of an actually *not* defunct wall heater. It was, as my sister calls it, "butt-ass cold" on Friday night, so the wall heater, in its forgotten, half-covered state decided to try to heat the damn place, and kicked on...and set fire to the booth and the wall in doing so.

I paused for a millisecond. The flames were starting to leap up the wall a bit (and would have been in the curtains had Inot moved them). I yelled, "There's a fire. Call 911. Get me some water."

I turned around and grabbed a glass of water out of some one's hand and doused the base of the flames (I did try to avoid the heating element itself). I asked for more water. No one else was doing anything. I went to the bar and yelled "Get me some water, or call 911. It's your choice!"
A little whisper of a girl ran down the length of the bar (she was the bartender ?) and handed me a giant glass pitcher with about 20 ounces of water in it. I hip-checked some idget, a stocky, stump of a man who was standing there drinking chardonnay, to move him out of my way, then I did my best to strategically throw it at the base of the remaining flames. It was smoldering now.

I stuck my head in the kitchen window (right next to where I was standing).
The men inside were still cooking. I said, as nicely as possible "I know you're busy, and it's probably not your job, but there's a fire out here, and if you could please fill up that bin with water and hand it to me it would be very helpful." He did it without smiling or making eye contact, placed it on the other window and called out like it was an order up, "water".
I threw that on it too.

At some point during this, and between me tossing water, Descartes went back up the back stairs and found my sister who was letting everyone know that something smelled like fire, and probably they should all get out. Jaster, Descartes and Demanda gathered up all of our coats and hats and bags and covered their faces and made their way down the front stairs through the thick smoke and out the door. Demanda put her hand out to me, but I was still putting out the fire.

Descartes thought I was right behind him, realized I wasn't then came back in the door and said. "Jennyalice. We are leaving. C'mon."

As it turns out, he was a bit irritated with me for standing there in the midst of the chaos... he didn't realize I had a purpose. He grabbed my hand and we went out into the parking lot and into the car. I told Descartes why I had been "standing" there.

We drove off, hungry and reeking of chemical smoke. (The first person to our table thought we had been camping we smelled so bad!) We ended up at Edgewood Golf Club. A beautiful space with friendly service and amazing delicious food. We spent probably the same amount of money we would have at the pub, but drank champagne and had lobster bisque instead.

The strangest part of the evening for me.. and the part I can't really get over...

We skipped out on our bill. I have never skipped out on a bill in my life... even when abandoned by wait staff, we have always figured out about how much we owe.

Isn't that silly?

24 November, 2007

Still Laughing

Still laughing too hard to relay the "I put the fire out at the bar" story. But do you know how stooopid the average person is?

I never thought I would need to hip-check someone to get them out of the way so I could put out a fire.... or BEG the kitchen staff for some freakin' water!

The Lake is cold tonight...feels like snow, but there's no water around. The lagoon froze last night behind the house. This year it wasn't windy when it froze, so it will be smooth ice skating. Lat year there was a wind storm and there were huge scary ripples in the frozen slough.

Jake was such a nice boy today. He played with Lucy, pushing her swing. She wasn't very appreciative, but he was gentle and smiled the whole time. And he didn't run over any small children today at all!

23 November, 2007

Hey! Can Someone Put Out That Fire?

So, uhm, in case you're wondering..... if there's a fire in the pub where you are trying your hardest to order the next round of beer... I can put it out. Really. I might need to borrow your glass of water, but if you are apparently incapable of calling 911.... I'll just put out that fire with any water I can find. No problem.

More later.

Yes, I did put out a fire tonight.

and yes, we skipped out on the bill.


Descartes and Lucy making cookies on Thanksgiving day.
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22 November, 2007

Thankful, In No particular Order

  • Can I Sit With You? already has a beautiful review...from someone we don't even know.
  • Everyone I know and love is safe and where they should be.
  • All of my parents are alive and I got to speak with each of them today.
  • My daughter figured out how to use a cookie cutter in 18 seconds flat.
  • My son, even though he stayed awake until 3:30 am last night.. was so precious and even held my hand after he crawled into bed next to me.
  • We had plenty to eat on our table today.. and yesterday too, and probably tomorrow and for the foreseeable future.
  • I have a lot of family....they all love us, and our crazy kids, and they all want us to be with them on Thanksgiving.
  • I have a husband who loves his mom and dad.
  • My not-so-mini-van has a television in it. and seat warmers.
  • The sunset from the deck of my in-law's home is unbeatable. Three bridges, San Francisco skyline, campanile, Alcatraz and the Golden Gate
  • My sister and brother-in-law are flexible and love us even though we bailed on them for Turkey day.
  • Sage and family take care of our dogs just about every single time we leave town (which seems to be often).
  • Elections are coming so we can have some change and a feeling of hope in the country.
  • I have amazing friends.
  • I have just finished a bottle of champagne.

21 November, 2007

Is THAT what sleep looks like?

I went to bed.. got into my bed and turned off the television at 11:15pm last night. I did not get up until 5:30am. That is the most uninterrupted hours of sleep I have had since before I was pregnant with Lucy ('cause once you are preggers you get up to pee 9 times a night!) Of course I did need to gate Jake into a small area of the house downstairs since he has been wandering until midnight the past couple of days, but once I made sure he was safe and happy, I was actually able to fall asleep while he was still awake.

I have only had one cup of coffee today. No "Stay Awake" pills, no RockSt*r drinks, no RedBull.

and I have managed to make 2 different kinds of quiche and a pumpkin pie, all with home made crusts. I have toasted all of the bread for stuffing (chopped and put on trays in the oven) and made some whole cranberry sauce. I also made some pumpkin custard with the left over pumpkin from the can (I did not bake my own pumpkins this year sorry Martha)

And I did the dishes and I washed three loads of laundry (so far).

AND I made my kids nutritious lunch WHICH THEY ATE!

AND I took a twenty minute nap with my little girl while Jake played in his room.

AND I changed 17 thousand crap ass diapers

AND I wiped those two baby nosed about 800 times.

AND, AND , AND I played with my kids!

and it's only 1:48!

I may still be able to shower and pack before Descartes gets home!

20 November, 2007

I'm Pretty Sure We Just published a Book

and Squid and I are currently celebrating the moment by....

me:taking a shower, then going to bed

Squid:folding laundry, packing, then hopefully going to bed

more self-promotion when tomorrow is really here and not just 1:20am

19 November, 2007

Bad Words Bad Words

Lucy is a parrot:

My sister Demanda said, "Shitty pants."

Lucy said, "Sitty, Sit Sit Sit Sit."

When I thought I had lost all of our Can I Sit With You? files and was going to need to start from a much earlier point...
good thing she was asleep already...

18 November, 2007

Can it Get Any Cooler?

Talk about someone I'd like to sit with!

Art has featured Lea Hernandez!

The cover artwork for Can I Sit With You? has been named one of today's Daily Deviations at deviantART.com!

Congratulations Lea..and thank you for your amazing contribution to our book!

17 November, 2007

Happy Birthday Little Wolf!

Today is my nephew Wolf's birthday. It is wonderful to be here with him in these beautiful mountains. Of course it would have been a better morning had Jake not decided ***for the first time*** to not be careful as he ran through the living room...Jake knocked down both boys this morning one right after the other.
Jake and his Daddy are now driving around the mountains ringing The Lake looking for roads that head to nearly nowhere.

16 November, 2007

It's Been A Loooong Day

Some days are longer than others.

Lucy cried nearly all day long. She would not nap. Demanda and I finally went to the grocery store with one of the four kids, leaving Lucy to scream in the kids' playroom and Jake playing on the deck, and Little Hawk scurrying around.

We bought some beautiful steaks. I asked Descartes what he wanted for dinner and he said, without even looking up from his laptop..."Something marbled." So we bought rib eye steak. Descartes worked from "home" here at The Lake, and was so good about really working all day long.

We had a glorious dinner...made extra lovely by the fact that we got all four children down for bed before we started. We opened champagne. I actually ate something. Everyone helped make the dinner.

I should live in a commune. Life is so much easier when there's more than one mommy.

15 November, 2007

Conference Time

I had Jake's parent teacher conference today. I nearly cried. Janet is such a grea teacher, and Anna his 1:1 aide, she loves him like he is her own.

Jake's IEP was just a few short weeks ago.. I think October 4th?. Since then there have been several minimum days and a whole week of school off (actually a week and one day). And wouldn't you know it, Jake has shown significant progress in nearly all of his goals.

We have always known/suspected that Jake knew colors, body parts, letters, numbers. He always looks liek he is "in there", but we have not done a very good job of clearly documenting what he knows...and when some of those "experts" come in to view him for school evals or whatever, it looks like his is a not-so-little boy who has no awareness, and no understanding of his environment.

Making clear goals...and a notebook to document.. and PECS cards, we have been able to nearly 'clean house' on colors (choosing the desired color out of a field of two, switching left or right for placement of desired color-- get it?). It was stunning to look at the little journal they have created and see how diligent the note taking has been and how excited both teacher and aide are about his progress. Calling it progress is sort of silly. Poor guy. He has known most of these things for years now I am sure, but this is really the first time we are really documenting what he knows. I think it will give us a better foundation to set expectations... and it will provide more continuity between class and home.

We are going to Tahoe tonight after my PTA board meeting. Traffic is lighter at 9pm right? Oi I am tired already.

13 November, 2007

A Nearly Daily "Back" Regimen

I open the kitchen cupboard and fiddle with all of the little bottles, then take:

2 Naproxen for my aching back.
2 super vitamins to get my mom off my back.
1 Wellbutrin XL so as not to get all over someone else's back.
1 "Stay Awake" (generic No-Doz) to keep from lying down on my back.

I swig this down with a sip of water with a Coffee back.

12 November, 2007

Losing It

Just found myself on the tailgate of my Not-So-Mini Van crying.

On the tailgate of my Not-So-Mini Van crying in the Costco parking lot.

On the tailgate of my Not-So-Mini Van crying in the Costco parking lot so much that the Cart Guy comes over to see if I am okay.

On the tailgate of my Not-So-Mini Van crying in the Costco parking lot so much that the Cart Guy comes over to see if I am okay, and offers to go back into the store and get the raspberries that flew off of our cart after we paid for them and were racing for the door because Jake could not keep his crazy ass in the big part of the cart and Lucy was screaming to get out of the kiddie seat part.

Veterans Day

I am someone who has a deep respect for Veterans and those who serve to protect our country. I think that the minute you say that in the US today, people assume you love George Bush and the current wars. The Republicans have also hijacked the American Flag.

and just because I went to Berkeley doesn't mean I am always PC, believe in giving SAT tests based on the color of your skin or believe all government is corrupt.

I am somewhere in there amongst all of those ideas, a moderate with a lot of opinions.

and one thing I really strongly think is this: I am thankful that there are people who would choose to wear a US uniform and would choose to protect our country. I am thankful to my grandfather who battled on the beaches of Normandy on D-day... and I pray that we might be able to end the part in Iraq that keeps our brave soldiers there, away from their families and friends for way too many months at a time.

Elections are only 11 months and 3 weeks away.

11 November, 2007

Being Present

We went up to SF today to see my family for the day before they head out of town on Monday morning. We sat through 40 minutes of traffic to go three blocks then we narrowly escaped being caught in the Veteran's Day Parade (thank you men and women for your courage and self-sacrifice).

We ate at one of the Ferry building restaurants and for some crazy reason I thought Descartes and I could walk with both kids to the Aquarium at Pier 39 and meet the rest of my family who would take the trolley car. Do you know that the Ferry Building is actually not even Pier One? It was 1.3 miles to our destination. Not actually that difficult, except for these reasons:
  • Lucy hates her stroller
  • Descartes and I walk at two completely different paces. I do the fast "retail" walk, and Descartes? Uhm he has a smooth well-paced "lumber". Believe me, in an emergency Descartes could walk the 50 miles to save our family, but everyday walking together has been first a "ha ha" joke between us, then a problem, and now something we 'manage'... in this case I walked ahead with Lucy.
  • Lucy hates her stroller.
  • I wore my awesome black boots with a heel, which can generally be worn all day long.
  • Lucy's stroller is broken and no longer has the ability to buckle anything to anything.
  • Lucy is only 17 months (today) and therefore cannot walk 1.3 miles in the wind along a busy street without at least having her hand held.
Okay so blah blah blah.. Lucy rode on my shoulders for 1.3 miles, then we did the whole touristy thing... then we walked back! I felt like I was doing that Avon walk again.

I have blisters on the bottoms of both of my feet from wear my socks rubbed. Descartes hurt his back somewhere along the way yesterday.

The point of all of this is that we did stuff that my kids enjoyed yesterday... with my parents. We went to a little Mexican restaurant that did not even have table service... we went to an aquarium...we sat outside by the water and drank smoothies. I think everyone enjoyed themselves too. It felt like we really were all present in the moment and there wasn't a lot of pretense or stress (aside from that initial traffic), or high highfalutin' something or other for me to panic over (you can dress us all up appropriately, but I have a kid with a disability and a toddler.. those two creatures don't exactly blend in at the club). It still wasn't a "natural" environment to show off my kids, but at this point what would that even look like? And it is hard to rest when you are fighting for a table at the wharf, but it was closer, sort of, to my parents spending time with Jake and Lucy that looks like Jake and Lucy being who they are.

I don't believe we should live our lives around our children. I think parents coddle their kids, and give in way too easily/early. I think parents lose themselves in parenting, sacrificing their marriages and neglecting their minds. I think that removing all sense of winning and losing so kids can have "great self esteem" is wrong and going to seriously back-fire on our nation in the next twenty years. Kids should learn to sit nicely at the table, and have great manners and deal with itchy ties and stiff shoes, and be able to "not speak unless spoken too" if necessary.


I do think that kids are only small once. I am never having another baby. My parents are never having any more grandkids...okay , maybe one more? But not from me. It will be from my step-sister who we never see anyway. So this is it. Everyone's chance to make silly faces and read books to tiny people with little fingers who can't turn the pages well. This is it to see wonder and the world through the eyes of someone who has never seen it before. Lucy can already walk and talk. They only saw her twice before she could walk, so the 'baby' part is done. That's it.

So I guess I'm glad we all went to the aquarium yesterday so they could see Lucy touch a sea star for the first time, and see Jake watch the anchovies swim 'round and around (they still may have a chance to see this in the future though, eh?). I'm glad we spent more time sitting and drinking smoothies in the California fall sunshine than we did gazing over menus at a beautiful high-end-hotel brunch.

There will always be time for poached salmon and eggs Florentine...but Lucy is already done with her stroller.

10 November, 2007

Holy Wow!

Have you even been over to Can I Sit With You?

Lea Hernandez has just completed the cover for our book. This is very exciting. If I get on this and help Squid we will actually complete this project and get this book published!

I have been a huge flake.. okay actually my computers are all infected and crashing and making me extremely frustrated, but it makes me feel flaky when I am not doing more than everyone else.

Yeah, you read that right. I must do more than everyone else or I am a flake. Kind of hard to do when you have very capable friends.

09 November, 2007

Old Skool

Lucy and I just drove to San Francisco to join my parents (the PJ and Gloria set) for lunch at an Old Skool fish house. Been in business since 1849.. clearly they must have had different waiters in the past, because with the level of customer service we just had they would have been out of business in two months max.

Lucy was precious for quite awhile which is always good so people are more patient when she starts to lose it.

We left lunch a bit before everyone else was done, and a full hour and a half after we had arrived. She was sound asleep in her stroller by the time we were two blocks away.

Valerie is coming to watch the kiddos tonight so Descartes and I can eat a nice dinner with my parents and all of their lovely friends.. I mean that. They really have lovely friends these days. I even forgive them for being scary die-hard USC fans. My Lovely Step Sister Sarsaparilla and her fiancé, James will be there too. They too follow the football games when they can. It is always fun to see them since James is very, very good with my children and they both have so much joy on their faces when they see my kids. Descartes and I also had a rip-roarin' good time with them when we were in Maui. I think we laugh a lot when we are with them.

Thinking about it, it gives me great comfort to know my momma has someone to go to the movies with. Life is hard ya know? and I would not make it without my girlfriends.

08 November, 2007

Envy This!

Okay. I did it. I went to a massage parlor.. no not that kind... my back has been buzzing and I had this random memory of a little place called Massage Envy..and a deal for $39 for a massage.. and I just went.

and I feel so much better. When I came out of the room the front office person said "Wow. You look really relaxed. Wow! You really look so relaxed. Wow!"

and I kind of thought she was just trying to get me to make another appointment..but you know what. I got into the car and looked into the rear view mirror, and I was shocked!

I actually looked my age. I looked 35 instead of 45. I felt, and still feel so good. It is shocking how little I need to get myself back on top of everything. I just need not to ache. I just need to rest every now and then.

I made a full dinner tonight. I think that is at least the second time since Monday. It makes me feel like a rockstar to give my family real food.

Jake had an early day today while Lucy was happily and Nanny Kidwell's house, so Jake and I went for ice cream. It was great to spend time with just Jake.. and a happy Jake at that. The little pixie of a girl who served Jake his Oreo Sundae is only 16...and expecting a baby in February.

and I thought my life was hard. jeesh... she seems very happy about the whole thing, but phew I am so glad that, while Jake having autism was not planned... at least we knew he was coming...and Lucy too. I was so busy when I was 16 I just can't imagine

07 November, 2007

One Flush or Two?

I know this is crazy...but I am so excited about the new toilets we just had installed today. Of course they were free. That is always kind of exciting... doing the "right" thing and being rewarded for it is so rare these days.

My city is giving away free toilets to homeowners on city property, if those homeowners are willing to give up their many-gallon-consuming toilets...up to three per household!
So we have new Caroma toilets with an awesome not one-size-fits-all flush system. With a choice between a lot and a little water per flush (and the "a lot" of water still being way less than previous toilets) we will be saving a bundle on water.. and happily not wasting a precious commodity on poop. I would much rather use my water share on the flowers in my front yard.

We even got an elongated bowl and ADA height

06 November, 2007

What is the Deal?

Jake had such a hard time yesterday afternoon that his therapist walked us across the playground to go in to therapy..then right back to the car. Jake flailed the entire time. My arms hurt, my knees hurt. I am so saddened by his outbursts.

Is this the all new and improved episode?

05 November, 2007

Back to School!

Whoooooooooooooo HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo!

Jake went to school this morning.

Of course next week.. every day is a minimum day for parent teacher conferences. ugh

04 November, 2007

And Much Later, after the Jungle party

As it happens sometimes after a public melt down, Descartes and I got into a ridiculous fight much later when we got home from the birthday party yesterday. I think it came from Descartes not realizing that it has been a very, very long week for me, or if he did realize it, he did not appear to be thankful enough. Apparently I wanted him to thank me effusively, possibly give me a raise hahahahah and say out loud many, many, many times what a lucky man he is to have me for a wife and mother to his precious children.

He dropped us off and went to Home Depot to get things for our remodel(s) and while I know he was doing things for our family, and not just for himself, leaving me with both kids again for 2 + hours was just exhausting for me. I think Descartes forgot that I nearly quit my job on Thursday afternoon.

When I used to work in retail I remember several employees that would go on their 10 minutes breaks.. and just...never...come...back...

We need to start having some help on the weekends I think.

03 November, 2007

Jungle Party

Went to fantastic party for Leelo today at an oh-so-cool place for children to run amok. In our case Jake was not happy when we go there, eventually got okay, then LOST HIS SH*T when we sat down for pizza later. It was really very, very sad for me.

(some of the following is from an email I sent to a friend about the incident)

I don't think anyone at the party had ever seen Jake lose it in such a big way.. and we really should have skipped the whole sit down in a small room part, since he had only just gotten it together in the play area.

Surprisingly, after all these years, I still have embarrassment and resentment when he acts out.. see, even there I think of it as acting-out instead of part of a disability. I always think that since he can get it together he should be able to when I need him to. I actually told him he was "being rude." I guess we have pretty high expectations in some areas for Jake. Somehow it is okay (in my head) if he never does math, but he must be able to sit at the table with friends and family.

Clearly I am still trying to figure this whole "Mothering a Special Needs Child" thing.

We don't do a lot of things because we like to set Jake up for success..

and probably, more than that, we do not like to not feel like we did at the end of the party.

02 November, 2007

We're Going to the Zoo, zoo, zooo. How 'bout you?

Hurrah! I took both kids to the zoo today. Yeah don't think I am quite so brave. I went with Squid and her girlie munchkins and one of Iz's precious friends. The older girls helped a LOT with Lucy, and Jake was mostly entertained by the ramblings-on of all of us motor-mouths.

Jake went on the carousel without a seat belt, on an uppy-down horse with me only standing next to him. First time a grown up didn't need to help him stay on. He held on with both hands and everything.

We really had a lovely time. Perfect weather. Well-mannered children. Not too crowded. Howler monkey SUPER LOUD, and no one lost any shoes. Stayed a perfect number of hours. Lucy did get mean and grabby with Mali at the end of the day, but she was just tired. They sat next to each other in a stroller all day long with no problem.

We said our good byes then took the Great Highway and Skyline home, watching the waves roll against the amazing California coastline....and I had a diet coke in the car with some ice left in it...perfect!

then we had to go to Comcast...which is sort of like saying we had to visit hell..and that story is so painful to tell right now that I simply cannot

highlights of Comcast visit:
  • Jake screaming/whining/crying the entire time in line with 10 people in front of us.
  • No one opening or holding the door for me in spite of having a wheelchair-screamy kid and a wriggly little girl in my arms...oh and a DVR. Seriously a guy walked in and let the door shut behind him without even looking. Does anyone have manners? I don't want special treatment, I just want courtesy.
  • All three of us crying in the car on the way home.
  • Jake being so worn out that he sobbed himself to sleep on the floor of his room when we got home...at 4pm...he is still asleep in the clothes he wore to the zoo...with no dinner, no new diaper.
i have opened a bottle of red wine. please do not disturb the momma

01 November, 2007


Jake and I had an all day long date today.

Ice Cream

will fill in later.. but it was so, so lovely.

of course this was after a HORRIBLE morning with tears and tantrums and non-compliance.

by the way I have just come back to this post nearly a week later... the reason the title of this post is "Rats!" is because we saw Ratatouille which is something I neglected to write earlier.. uhm der.

In it For the LoOOOOOOOOOng Haul

this is the longest week in the history of all time.

Valerie asked for the day off, she already doesn't work on Wednesdays or Fridays...so that makes Monday and Tuesday that she was here helping with Jake (total of 5 hours). Thank GOD Lucy goes to Nanny Tidwell's house for a bit on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Jake goes back to school on Monday. By 9am this morning I was already done. I hate that feeling. Probably doesn't help that I COULD NOT sleep last night. Too many things on my mind. I was making lists.. this insomnia and mild panic could possibly be explained by....oh wait uhm yeah....

did I tell you the best part? I got a call from the pharmacy during which I was informed that there is no known date for the delivery of more Wellbutrin. The country is out of Wellbutrin? Holy Crap there are going to be a LOT of cranky awful people out there. I tried taking a generic yesterday and it just made me feel crazy. I know it is supposed to be the same but it is worse than not taking anything. It makes me feel like my brain is soupy and my emotions are all twisted up. So luckily I keep a stock pile which should get me through an extra two weeks past when I should have refilled the Rx.

As if being cookooo wasn't hard enough they gotta make my crazy pills scarce too? Yikes!
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