31 December, 2008
lucy talks a lot and doesn't sleep much
our house has bad plumbing
Descartes and I still love each other after all of these years.
we have great family
we have terrific friends
we are blessed beyond measure
we have a lot to do
15 December, 2008
- buy more liquid band-aid and put it on those cracks on my fingers before they open...and bleed, leaving little red drops on my children's socks in the morning and making it difficult to do things like pull up my pants, put on my kid's swimsuit or move the laundry from the washer to the dryer.
- have Iz over every Monday, or any afternoon when I do not have Jake's aide here. She keeps Lucy entertained, follows direction easily and fills a little space that is hollow from not having a third kid.
- go to the flea-bag motel in San Francisco and beat up whomever used that address and my husband's identity to try to secure three credit cards in the last week.
- finish decorating the Christmas tree before Christmas.
- fold the laundry
- get over the fact that it has taken a year for the school district to purchase a "talker" for Jake...they are working on it now.
- stop feeling stooopid for trusting someone else with my child's happiness. I could have purchased those talkers a year ago and had him feeling this happy the whole time, and it would not even register in the amount of money we've lost in the market.
- fill out the paperwork for my respite hours.
- plan an extra date night this week.. and maybe next week, and maybe the week after that.
- clean up the guest room for my sister and the boys as they pass through on their way to Southern California.
- Use up more food from the pantry. Buy only onion, celery, carrots, milk, butter, eggs and cheese. and beer.
- get to bed earlier than midnight at least 3 nights a week.
- make the mailing labels for the Holiday postcards, which may arrive before the holidays are over!
- be thankful that truly my biggest problem today was my daughter pooping in a diaper, leaving it in a corner and wiping her butt with an inflatable giraffe. okay that and the whole identity theft thing, oh and finding out that Jake's talkers still haven't been ordered, but really that's it. Yes, it was a deflated inflatable giraffe.
- take my boots in to be re-soled. again.
- make an appointment to have that strange freckle/mole/oddity on my forehead checked out by a professional. One that has an M.D. and not just a M.G. (Mastery of Google).
- go to the gym at least twice this week,
and try not to be so scared of the treadmill.
- find our copy of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas..before it is actually.....
10 December, 2008
08 December, 2008
As breakfast turned into lunchtime we were all relaxing in the den and decided to make the grandparents' life easier by helping them purchase the actual gifts that their grandchildren really, really want. In Lucy's case this is a Fisher-Price Loving Family Grand Dollhouse.
So I found the best price online and placed the order for them. When it came time to create the "gift message" I just couldn't resist helping my parents just a little bit more. The gift just arrived today... and I will keep this forever.
07 December, 2008
There are some tears about glue, and a little girl who already needs a nap, and the last piece of bacon sitting lonely on the platter, one piece too many for this mommy to eat, and a little bit too small to just put away in the fridge. There are plans being hatched and presents to be wrapped, and two dogs that really need to be brushed. We have emails to be answered and bills to be paid and dishes, always more dishes to be washed...and there is more stuffing to be eaten, of course. There are thirty bazillion coupons which, having been cut, will probably begin wasting away in a drawer, providing me opportunity to scold myself at a later date for having forgotten them when I approach the checkstand at Safeway. There is reasearch to be done, on computer screens, dough ornaments, photo collage software, Internet security, property taxes for Modoc county and proper storage for 8 foot blow up snowmen. We need to sweep, lest we be visted by varmin. All of the chargers for all of the electronics have left their usual places and stored themselves elsewhere, so there are search parties to organize. And where exactly is the iPod anyway?
04 December, 2008
As I was gathering up all of the school clothes, belts, gym bag, tennis shoes etc. from the bedrooms, Jake ran upstairs for breakfast with little Lucy in hot pursuit.
Then Lucy stepped back down the stairs a little, peeked her head over the stairwell at me and said,
"Mom, is there anything I can help you?"
03 December, 2008
And no there are no breaks for breath, because as Descartes tells me all the time, she is just like I am and we are fast talkers and there is no time for breathing.
We can breathe while we sleep.
29 November, 2008
28 November, 2008
22 November, 2008
19 November, 2008
His teacher, Janet, came up after Jake and BB had walked away and told me that yesterday Jake had dropped to the ground (mild tantrum) on the way to lunch. BB stopped and said "I know you're hungry, so if you want lunch you should get up and walk. I'll wait." and he stood up and walked with her... AMEN!
18 November, 2008
He's been crawling into our bed in the mornings lately. Not every day, and not in a quiet way at all. It is that same laughing boy, hugging us and wrestling and trying to hug his baby sister. It is my favorite thing... my FAVORITE thing in the world..morning and the sheets still smell like fabric softener and we have way too many pillows, of all sizes and squishiness, and everyone has messy hair and we are all there; all four of us laughing and tickling and kissing and hugging. It never lasts for long. There are jobs to get to and school bells will ring and the private swimming lessons we will pay for whether we make it to class or not. There's always a shower to be taken or a diaper to be changed.
It lasts just long enough to remind me that I have a wonderful life, a terrific husband and two precious children... so it is enough for me.
17 November, 2008
16 November, 2008
They are fine. I'm sure I would received a phone call last night if they had been asked to evacuate. It's so strange for me because I never really lived in the house where they live now because the bought it while I was in college, so I don't really know how far away the fire is. I mean I can tell from Google maps, but I can't tell how "emotionally close" those flames are. Is that where they grocery shop? buy their books? Is that where their friends live? I have been away a long time now.
I can't sleep, so I am going to head back to my home now, to get ready for the day with the other two sets of parents I have (Descartes family is meeting us this afternoon also.)
The sunrise is beautiful here. I imagine it looks the same color orange as the flames on the ridge near my parent's house this morning.
15 November, 2008
14 November, 2008
13 November, 2008
Two large-scale genetic analyses have turned up a trio of new sites associated with autism, including a large-effect allele that seems to reduce the risk of developing the debilitating brain disorder, researchers reported today (Nov. 12) at the American Society of Human Genetics meeting in Philadelphia.
Last year, the Autism Genome Project Consortium performed the largest genome-wide linkage scan to date with around 10,000 SNPs in 1,181 families with at least two affected individuals. The group flagged a handful of genomic regions harboring autism susceptibility genes, although none of the linkage results were statistically significant (/Nat Genet/, 39:319-328, 2007).
Now, a team led by Dan Arking, a geneticist at Johns Hopkins University, has ramped up the SNP count to include around 500,000 markers in 802 affected pairs of siblings. They then eliminated all the error-prone or uninformative SNPs to amass a collection of 180,000high-quality markers for their analysis. "It's the cleanest best set of markers you can imagine," Arking said at a press conference.
This enhanced genome-wide scan proved effective. Arking's team discovered two regions of significant linkage that had not been implicated before with the disease -- one at the tip of chromosome 20's short arm, and one at the end of chromosome 6's long arm.
Arking, together with Lauren Weiss, a molecular geneticist at the University of California, San Francisco, also used the SNP dataset to perform familial association mapping in 1,594 parent-offspring trios to hunt for common variants of major effect linked to the disorder. At first, they did not find any genome-wide significant results. Additional assays, however, revealed a hitherto unidentified site on chromosome 5 where one particular allele was transmitted less often than expected to autistic individuals whose parents carried the allele. Thus, this allele, although only found in 4% of the population as a whole, likely confers some protection against autism, Arking and Weiss argued.
This "protective allele" fell near the semaphorin 5A (/SEMA5A/) gene, which is involved in axonal guidance during neural development. The researchers compared brain slices of 20 autistic individuals with 10 controls and found that /SEMA5A/ had much lower expression levels in the autistic brains, further implicating this novel locus with autism.
Arking and Weiss will present their findings in a talk on Saturday (Nov. 15) and in a poster on Friday (Nov. 14).
12 November, 2008
10 November, 2008
My niece is sick, and when Lucy heard this sad news, she decided that Bubsy would be cheered up by a "giant elmo, and green teddy bear and my furry baby" Here's the photo we just sent little Bubsy.
Next we sat down to see if there were any more photos in the computer we should send. My wallet is sitting in the table, and Lucy was looking at my driver license. She said "It's a nice picture of my mama." Fishing for a further compliment I said "Oh do you think Mama looks pretty?" I meant in the photo...
My daughter thinks I am asking about right now, in the flesh, do I look pretty? So she sits there a moment, shuffles some things in her hands and says sweetly with a cocked head to the side, "Well, Mommy. Your hair is just a little bit wiggly."Which indeed is true.
09 November, 2008
- Jake yelled and kicked and dropped to the ground until I figured out that he wanted to play outside, where he has now been for 30 minutes using all of his happy sounds.
- Lucy woke up at some ungodly hour again. I do not even bother to look at the clock until I decide to make coffee. I try not to make the coffee more than an hour before I think Descartes will get up.
- Lucy tried to pull out my (screw-back) earring while I was sleeping. I had dozed off on her bed while she was playing. When I woke up at the pain and tried to shoo her off she hit me in the eye. I have decided that this is a sucky way to wake up.
- Lucy marched herself upstairs for her own time out. More crisis ensued because she could not find the chair she wanted for time out.
- Lucy can now butter her own bread (nearly) and it is great fun for her to make "sprinkle toast". It was a treat for me to have cinnamon sugar toast when I was a kid too.
- Lucy peed on the living room floor.
08 November, 2008
Ohwell. I've been saying that a lot lately, part of my "letting go of things I can't control" strategy.
I have sent my husband out for the evening to have fun...without me. He needs to get out and have friends and I am happy to oblige (especially since I spent half the day in SF getting a hair cut.
The hairstyle is working so far. I have been wrestling with children for 40 minutes and have yet to have my hair completely entangled in kiddie fingers. Jake and Lucy were playing together just now. She was pretending to be a monster, and when I suggested that Jake and I hide under the covers nothing happened.. until Lucy charged back into the room, which made Jake DIVE into the pillows face down and pull the covers over both of us! He was laughing and smiling. I love it when it all connects.
I am now being called on to read a Pirate book
07 November, 2008
Yearbook Yourself... genius time sink. I had so much fun!
It didn't quite work in the first photo because my modern day photo had bangs
me in 1958:
1960 worked a little better
and I'm pretty sure this was me in 1990
and 1992 no no no.. the soft focus touch
Here I am in 1994 love that perm:
06 November, 2008
05 November, 2008
The next President of the United States o-Ba-Ma!
- how to watch the returns at our house:
- run the children ragged
- feed them a lot of food
- send them to bed with "The Lion King" on repeat on their television.
- open a bottle of champagne
- open another bottle of champagne
- cry watching defeated candidate
- cry watching Next President
- make hubbins play Facebook after second bottle of champage
- call Republican family in Orange County to make sure they are okay.
04 November, 2008
Go Blue (states!)
03 November, 2008
02 November, 2008
01 November, 2008
31 October, 2008
29 October, 2008
28 October, 2008
I worked on the book for a bit. I need to use my bigger screen at home to get the paragraph spacing right, and see the layout.. and try to get the pagination right ( and trimmed so Squid doesn't cil me.) It is exciting to work on it. I know we don't have an agent.. that there's no flashy book tour, but I feel good knowing that the proceeds all go to SEPTAR and there are kids who might read the words on those pages and feel just a little bit better, a little less alone. God willing and the creek don't rise, the book should be available mid-November.
Jake and I went to urgent care yesterday. He does not have a broken meta-tarsal, as was feared. After a few x-rays we discovered he had only chipped a little tiny bit off of a little bitty bone. Given that one quarter of all the bones in the human body are in the feet, it is not surprising that he would break something. We are having the convergence I think of a few things:
- Jake has profound disabilities. He is unable to effectively communicate when he is in danger or injured.
- Jake does have cerebral palsy. We forget this sometimes because he is so physical, and he eats by mouth and he has no tubes or crutches, and mostly does not use a wheelchair. Most of the kids we know with CP, they are more stereotypical.
- Jake is an eight year old boy. He loves to climb and jump and explore and race around and feel the dirt between his toes.
- Jake likes being in bare feet.
26 October, 2008
23 October, 2008
I have noticed lately that little Lucy is a rather chatty little girl. She came out ready to go. At 2 hours old she had her eyes wide open and her mouth poised to speak. She has a LOT to say. She says it well, very well even, for a not yet 2.5 year old in big long sentences sometimes. She is remarkable, and people, friends, find it amusing to note that she "talks almost as much as her mother."
That's the other thing about these quirky kids, and more often their parents... we don't aways get social cues. This was one area that I had always thought myself rather savvy, the social cues part, but I am thinking lately that I have really, really, not heard all of the subtle and not so subtle ways people have been letting me know that I talk too much; too much, too often, over people, through people, dominating conversations and dictating when others speak. This trait I had always put on my assets side, the side with thin ankles and a college education, when it's looking more like this trait falls, apparently much more solidly on the side with thinning hair and my inability to remember people's names. I am ashamed.
I have always filled the space. Ask my sister, my dad. It's a family joke right? Actually I think I AM the family joke, and now with a bunch of people I really admire, I am starting to feel that way too.
How does it happen that something I thought was a skill, something I actually liked about myself, has become something that has gotten away from me and has ultimately turned into a flaw? Does this happen to other people? Are there things you thought you were good at that end up being something everyone else hates about you? Something you never thought of as a problem that once it comes to light makes you toss and turn?
We are loathe to label our children because we are afraid it will define them, limit them, make it so it's hard for people to look past their disability. What if they change or develop past that label? Will anyone notice, or will they look at what was decided about them years before and just prejudge them? What about when I am introduced as someone who talks "more than anyone else on the entire planet"? What chance do I have to learn new tricks there? Or will I also disappoint if I am tired and just don't feel like holding up both ends of the conversation? I used to love, love, sharing something funny that happened in my life, but I am realizing that I am so self conscious lately that I almost found myself unable to speak in front of a crowd the other night when I was on a panel. I've been speaking, or singing, in front of audiences since I was in the third grade. It's something I have done hundreds of times and enjoyed every single time without butterflies, and the last several times? well...
It's good to face your flaws. It's good to have people care enough to point them out to you. It gives you a chance to right them. Better now before I'm 40 so maybe I have a chance at the second half of my life of being a little less ego centric and little less selfish. Maybe I can ask more questions. I can hold my tongue and not share my opinion, because Lord knows I have one on every subject. I have already tried the not calling people thing; I don't need to be that phone call that people dread answering.
Although, and I'll be honest, I can have this sick feeling in my stomach and vow every night that tomorrow I will keep my mouth closed, but in the moment.. I don't know how. I don't know how to keep a story inside. I don't know how to give the short response. I don't understand how to keep the phone on the table when I want to share something. I don't know what it's like to walk past other people in the grocery store or on the street and not say hello, or chat with the checker or the person behind me in line. I've been teaching Lucy that we do not stare. I've been teaching that when we make eye contact with someone we say "Hello" or "Good morning" or "How are you?" I've been teaching her because people are going to be staring at my family a lot over her lifetime and I want her to be armed with words so she can make the situation of having a brother with special needs less awkward.. for herself, for others.
Lately I'm feeling like it's just one more thing I am doing wrong in the parenting department because clearly it's not working out for me to have learned to be a "Chatty Kathy".
20 October, 2008
I cleaned out my car. This means I now have at least 2 Costco-sized, and 3 Trader Joe's bags filled with krap in my kitchen and guest room. That's the bad part. The good part is that I was able to pile friends in my car yesterday and wind our way all over the Bay Area.
Emerald Hills at Ep's house is a peaceful way to start an October morning. There are quail and deer and birds and had we stayed even a few moments longer we would have heard the bees buzzing in her lavender bushes. It is a slice of country just blocks from my own home. It is one of my new favorite places, which makes sense to me as this is now the second woman that I really like who has owned the house.
280 North is always a beautiful drive. The lanes are wide and the road sweeps in gentle curves back and forth... and people drive fast. I love to drive fast. From the back seat I am asked by Captain Blog "Are you a lead foot?" I ease off the pedal as Squid reminds the carload of potential San Bruno area drivers that this particular area is a happy hangout for the Po-lice. I ease our way into a pack of cars who have slowed to 70 and realize that I rarely relax.
The Golden Gate Bridge shed its fog for the morning and a necessary potty break landed us in the Vista Point parking lot with clear visibility all the way back to the San Francisco peninsula. I take a short walk around the parking lot and returnto my seat behind the wheel thinking, "Wow. We sure are lucky aren't we?"
Sebastopol is farther away than I remember, but not so far that my coffee cup still has some warm caffeine when we hit some sort of magical coffee hut/hip people mash-up. I enjoy a Lattacino, which is perfect for me unsweetened with less milk than a latte and more than a cappuccino. There are lots of children with striped tights and layers of clothing.
We head into downtown and unleash ourselves on the farmer's market. DT and I debate whether we need to create a makeshift icepack so we can enjoy tasty cheese later at home. We meander about. I eat a peach the size of my daughter's head and buy award winning honey and a loaf of bread which I share a bit of, but mostly I hold it and nibble on it as if it is a lollipop in my hand.
Do I have this out of order already? probably. It was the Sebastopol Art Trails, and at Squid's invitation we (mostly) follow a schedule of bliss which also includes time for amazing artists, lunch on a patio, a visit to a nursery and because we still had time a new tea house. One of my favorite stops was Patrick Amiot and Brigitte Laurent Their work is fantastic. It is whimsical and interesting and charming and edgy and beautifully painted and I want a sculpture in my front yard. I buy my sister a calendar, and hope that she will know that I wanted to buy her half the art in the place when she opens up the calendar for her birthday (which is today).
The countryside was beautiful, and while Squid is the most perfect navigator, I almost think she let me meander a bit on those winding roads purely because I was enjoying the scenery. The grape vines are all turning and the apple trees...the apple trees! Everywhere and loaded, and dropping their fruit. It would have been a good day to be a drifting horse, munching gravensteins here and Mcintosh there.
In Graton we viited two artists who share a space, and, I believe a life together, Lisa Beerntsen and Tony Spiers They also had a beautiful garden. They have been a part some incredible group art (Art Farm) which has been at Burning Man. It was neat to see the art in the studio, because my current life path does not indicate an adventure to Burning Man is going to happen. Lisa's art was very beautiful. In some of the current pieces she had incorporated vintage fabric. I love mixed media in general, and I love fabric even if I will probably never win any prizes for my sewing skills. I'm certain I will always have a pile of fabric in a box. Perhaps someday it will be vintage and I will make a mixed media art piece when I retire to Sebastopol.
We also visited Helen Caswell, a beautiful woman with a precious husband. (How many times have I said beautiful?) I would love to be the new renters on their expansive property. I wish she could be in my family, and in an eerie sense I feel like she is. My grandmother was an artist. She was many other things professionally, but I think had she been born in a different time or circumstance she could have made her life as an artist, as Helen has. Sifting through her prints I was amazed to see just so many portraits; so many faces she's painted over the years. I can't imagine having the ability to distinguish each face and render each one so accurately. Don't tell Descartes, but I bought two small prints. They are not originals of course, but I will love them as if they are.
Our last art stop of the day was Rik Olson. A charming man who manages to create beautiful and witty art in so many ways. He is one of the few masters of wood engraving left. It is painstaking work, and making color prints takes layers of art. Ep and I discussed the idea of thinking backwards and in steps and decided it will not be my next career. Rik also participated in this really cool benefit thing where they made prints using a steamroller.
After breathing in a little bitmore apple-scented air at the Olson studio we went back to downtown Sebastapol and tried Infusions The tea selection is amazing here.
Hmm funny here I am getting tired writing, just about the same time I got tired in real life.
The end of my story is that I enjoyed a really lovely day with some very lovely people and came home to my son sound asleep, my daughter awake for a potty break and my sweet husband tired, but just happy to see me, and not cranky at all about having watched the kids for more than 12 hours (of nearly all awake time). I got to read Lucy a story then pass out asleep on the couch before Descartes nudged me to go downstairs to bed.
Clean car, good friends, interesting art and a happy family. Now that's a pile of luck.
16 October, 2008
He is kicking the bed frame which then bangs against the wall and shudders the house, making it sound like he is thrashing about when really he is criss-crossing his legs, practicing really a new skill of making one side of his body cooperate with the other. His toes cling to the bed post as he creeps them up and down lying on his back looking at the very dimmed light fixture. I crawl in next to him for a moment, because I miss him, this calm him, because I want relationship with my own son who
me: "Jake, I love you so much. I'm so glad you're feeling better."
Jake: "Mmph" said with a smile
me: "Jake I love you. Can you tell mommy 'I love you?' Can you say 'love'?"
Jake: clearly "Love."
He is happy this morning, lots of happy sounds and running up and down the stairs , jumping and smiling at the sight of a fresh cup of milk or more cheerios. Maybe he is back from where ever he goes when he is so upset in his own body. He's back and he may have learned more new skills again. It was hard this time. Physical injuries and a baby sister who felt abandoned. Descartes and I only fought one time, and only for a moment, so we are better at this, but we're still learning.
There's no rulebook for our child, or this life. There's only slowly moving forward, hoping that the next time we come more prepared, with a more fortified army of caretakers, medications and resources. Because no matter how far we've come, no matter that this morning it feels like it is over, I know another episode is coming; my calendar says next week.
15 October, 2008
Jake is feeling a little bit better in terms of episode...I think... He was able to lunch yesterday at a restaurant. Sage met us at the local Indian buffet and he was well behaved and was even following some directions. Jake and I "rolled" around the shopping area from 10:30-2pm waiting for our car to get new run flat tires, then new front and rear brakes... ouch to the wallet. Run fat tires are a great idea, but they cost at least twice as much as most tires and last half as long.
Anywhoo, Jake went into his wheelchair happily... he has a cold so he was a bit lethargic, which after the past however many weeks of spazzing and throwing, I'll admit I was a little bit okay seeing. We went to a discount store where he picked out his costume.. a skeleton. He laughed when I told him it was perfect because he was skin and bones already.
I don't think Lucy is going to be thrilled with Jake's choice of costume. She is prety convinced that she is going to be a penguin, Jake is going to be a puppy, Daddy is going to be a pumpkin and I am going to be a bee. Just ask her. SHe's been saying this for at least a month now. How quirky she is!
Wish us luck we are off to Lucy's swimming lesson. Jake hates it there... lovely.
Swimming update... Jake did very well at the enclosed noisy swim school that Lucy loves so much. Half way through the lesson my dear Squid came to entertain Jake so I could help the teacher Faith, remind Lucy to use "big arms". Jake even gave Squid a little low five in the car and smiled when she asked whether he was going to come over to her house soon. Yay for friends! Yay for Jake feeling better! Yay for giant coloring book purchased for Lucy at Costco which may keep her entertained for the next 15 minutes!
14 October, 2008
13 October, 2008
11 October, 2008
10 October, 2008
09 October, 2008
08 October, 2008
- my children are both actually sleeping in beds and no one is bleeding.
- my husband has gone to bed
- my glass of wine is empty
- my eyes hurt
07 October, 2008
Yearbook Yourself... genius time sink. I had so much fun!
It didn't quite work in the first photo because my modern day photo had bangs
me in 1958:
1960 worked a little better
and I'm pretty sure this was me in 1990
and 1992 no no no.. the soft focus touch
Here I am in 1994 love that perm:
05 October, 2008
"No. It's about her life." And then the conversation moved on.
Yeah. It's about my life, which lately is just not that funny. I mean I can make most things sort of sound funny...
like this one, ready?
Beware of Safeway meatloaf, it nearly killed me. It was so tough I almost took off my left index finger a few weeks ago and had to go to the local emergency room to get four stitches to staunch the bleeding. The wait wasn't very long. I asked them to triage me last so I could actually get a nap. As I see it that visit will end up being 40 bucks a stitch and $200 an hour for a bed to nap in.
What really happened?
Jake was so upset, as he has been for weeks and weeks and weeks now that I was hurrying and watching him thrash at the counter with his aide and I stopped looking at what I was cutting and sliced my finger. It bled through a kitchen towel and I still finished making his dinner so I could feel comfortable that I was leaving the aide with as little else to manage as possible. At the hospital I fell asleep on the gurney so hard that they were a little worried about me, as it seems they would leave the room for 20 seconds and I would fall sound asleep before they returned.
and then here's another good funny story:
My younger brother Gerard came up for the weekend. He arrived just in time on Thursday to go out for drinks with all of my mama friends from SEPTAR, scaring them with his amazing white teeth and strong beach body builder physique. On Friday night we decided to eat dinner at home because Jake was having such a hard time. He yelled for me after he went to check on Jake who had gone to bed early. I ran down the stairs only to find my brother with blood all over his hands and when Jake slid a bit to the side, trying to wriggle away from Gerard, blood all over the floor. Dude.. welcome to my home.
okay I can't even make that story funny.
After we put Jake to bed he continued to thrash about. I gave him the max on the benzodiazepine that was recently prescribed by the Psychiatrist. Apparently, this stronger and "smoother" drug takes more time to kick in and more time to wear off, than the other one we had used sporadically to control extremely out-of-control, dangerous, thrashing. We kept checking on him, but Gerard was the one who found him covered in blood, coming from an unidentified head wound.
Head wounds bleed a lot, and after carrying Jake upstairs and putting him in his 5 point car seat in the car, which the only place we can truly hold him down without hurting ourselves, we cleaned up the wound and decided not to go to the ER. Staples that would probably get pulled out by Jake would inevitably be harder to deal with than waiting until the swelling in the little know went down and the 1cm would closed up. It wasn't long before the bleeding stopped, but it was several more hours until we felt comfortable that Jake wasn't going to bash his head into another wall downstairs, so he sat in the living room with us, belted into his thank-God-we-have-this wheelchair. It was awesome. Jake's car seat still has Descartes' shirt over it covered in dried blood.(which Descartes stripped on and held against Jake's head as soon as he saw the blood.. God I love that man who knows how to react...)
okay so you can see...not that funny.
I also have an injured shoulder from Jake ripping my arm out of the socket (practically) which, while it is healing, and I am going to PT, makes me incapable of doing many household tasks well or at all... and my house was not looking good to begin with. And then I had an IEP for Jake, which led to the need to have another one (those went very well, just took a long time).
And I had a really emotional day after getting Jake into Camp. You would think that it would just make me happy, but it is a really bad process to sign kids up for 1:1 aides. I know I must be first my son's advocate, but it makes me cry (while driving friends on the highway in my Not-so-mini van at 75mph.. not good)
and did I tell you about the 2 inch nail Jake stepped on last week? I don't think I did. Went into and back out of his foot. His high pain tolerance meant that he did it while I was 12 feet away from him, and did not know expect for a strange drawing-in of breath that he took loudly. It was an odd enough sound that I watched him for a minute noticed a slight limo and asked Descartes to check out his foot as he passed by. He just scooped Jake up and said we are going to the hospital. I called Sage and she came for Lucy without waiting for me to tell her why I needed last-minute babysitting. The ER was great. They "got" Jake, and didn't insist on numbing his foot all up with a bunch of needles before we took out the nail. It came out as it had gone in quickly. Jake only cried when they washed his foot, and I am guessing it is only because we held him too still. We were able to spend the entire next day focused on Jake because Squid took Lucy home with her to play with Mali.
I haven't been laughing a lot lately.
I am okay. Good things have been happening too. I know they have. We decided on the list of contributors for the next Can I Sit With You? book due out in November. Jake continues to say more words at school-- "No! Applesauce!" when offered yogurt. Lucy is starting to sleep a little better. My closet is clean. I have amazing friends who jump at the chance to help us. We went to the new California Academy of Sciences which the kids loved.
Those things aren't funny either, but it is my life.
This is all just one part of my life, which will pass. Hopefully I am in a learning phase right now so that the next part is really really easy, and less physically painful, and funny. Maybe it will be funny.