Webkinz

are something I knew very little about because I have a special needs kid who has never asked for one.

We are watching some weeish ones who are not technically ours (though we love them like our own) Ages Newly-7 and 4 they are precious and inquisitive and being on their best behavior so they can get a new webkins ...oh I have just been corrected by the newly seven year old ... "It's WebkinZZZZS with a z!"


oh joy.. we are off to pizza or Mexican or Chinese or Indian or something not cooked in my kitchen!

News Flash: Woman with No Childcare Maintains Sanity

okay my mother just complained that I haven't posted in seven days.. so here is something that I tried to write and finish on the 14th of January

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seriously...

Last time we had daytime help with Jake was December 21. We have been out two times at night (after kids are asleep), but other than that I pretty much have been on duty.

Jake is back in school and Lucy goes to her little home daycare on Tuesdays and Thursdays for a few hours (or more)... so it's not like I have it sooooo bad or anything, but the afternoons can be really very hard, but they haven't been.

Jake and I went to The Psychiatrist last week. Jake is medicated. I know some people think this is wrong, but it the right thing for Jake, and for our family. When Jake takes Adderall he is able to be present in the classroom, follow some directions and learn.. he can also sit nicely enough to eat meals at a table. He can even manage to use a fork (pre-loaded by us). Basically, the extended release was wearing off as he got home from school leading to very rough afternoons.. rough like Jake couldn't sit for dinner, couldn't take a bath with his sister without kicking her, and couldn't follow any type of direction. We also saw tears, temper tantrums and, well he was just nearly beside himself every afternoon.It was the perfect storm..Jake has an expectation of how he feels all day, and it was gone, I have an expectation of how many directions he can follow, and he couldn't follow any, I am tired from being me all day, and, of course, we have "the Four O Clocks" at our house like any/all families do.

So we are now giving Jake 5 mg of a shorter release of the same med. Basically he is now in control of his emotions and his body until bed time. Phew.

And Much Later, after the Jungle party

As it happens sometimes after a public melt down, Descartes and I got into a ridiculous fight much later when we got home from the birthday party yesterday. I think it came from Descartes not realizing that it has been a very, very long week for me, or if he did realize it, he did not appear to be thankful enough. Apparently I wanted him to thank me effusively, possibly give me a raise hahahahah and say out loud many, many, many times what a lucky man he is to have me for a wife and mother to his precious children.

He dropped us off and went to Home Depot to get things for our remodel(s) and while I know he was doing things for our family, and not just for himself, leaving me with both kids again for 2 + hours was just exhausting for me. I think Descartes forgot that I nearly quit my job on Thursday afternoon.

When I used to work in retail I remember several employees that would go on their 10 minutes breaks.. and just...never...come...back...


We need to start having some help on the weekends I think.

In it For the LoOOOOOOOOOng Haul

this is the longest week in the history of all time.

Valerie asked for the day off, she already doesn't work on Wednesdays or Fridays...so that makes Monday and Tuesday that she was here helping with Jake (total of 5 hours). Thank GOD Lucy goes to Nanny Tidwell's house for a bit on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Jake goes back to school on Monday. By 9am this morning I was already done. I hate that feeling. Probably doesn't help that I COULD NOT sleep last night. Too many things on my mind. I was making lists.. this insomnia and mild panic could possibly be explained by....oh wait uhm yeah....

did I tell you the best part? I got a call from the pharmacy during which I was informed that there is no known date for the delivery of more Wellbutrin. The country is out of Wellbutrin? Holy Crap there are going to be a LOT of cranky awful people out there. I tried taking a generic yesterday and it just made me feel crazy. I know it is supposed to be the same but it is worse than not taking anything. It makes me feel like my brain is soupy and my emotions are all twisted up. So luckily I keep a stock pile which should get me through an extra two weeks past when I should have refilled the Rx.

As if being cookooo wasn't hard enough they gotta make my crazy pills scarce too? Yikes!

Hiding

I am hiding in the guest room. You see, Sage and I traded "desks". I gave her this pretty awesome Singer sewing machine table (old treadle kind) and I am borrowing a nifty fits-diagonally-into-the-corner type desk. It was a brilliant swap since her daughter is enjoying the Singer table immensely, and I can actually sit in an office chair again while on the computer for the first time since before Lucy was born.

So I am in here reading my daily dose of blogs, and can hear everything Lucy and Jake are doing (Jake playing cars!!!!!!!) and Lucy laughing at the "Grouch News Network" sketch on Sesame Street.

It is gong to be a long week, so I must escape when I can.

I do love my children. I am just not quite nice enough to hang out with those particular children 24 hours a day for 7 days with only 8 hours of childcare.

Hey Jake just found me. He is tapping on the door and saying something.. and has now tossed his sippy cup (empty) against the door.

I am off to be a good mom. Wish me luck.

That's All I need Folks

So Lucy went to Nanny Kidwell's house again today and played nearly all day long... happily!
I think it's going to work out. Jake stayed at school all day (though it was a minimum day).. so guess what? I got to complete my errands...like this one:

Went to Barns Ignoble to buy a present for a friend (Squid actually.. her birthday is soon, uhm, now, actually, so go wish her a happy day!) and I went in, read the backs or jackets of several books, read a few more, selected two, went to the counter, waited in line, paid and went back to my car and pulled out of the space,,, and exactly 8 minutes has passed.. What? Seriously? I can do all of that in 8 minutes? Amazing.

When I went back to Nanny's house she asked me if I had taken a nap, "You look so well -rested. What did you do?"

In no particular order, here are the things I completed while I had "alone time" for the first time since August:

• went to the grocery store
• returned my rental car
• picked up my Not-so-mini Van from the shop
  
• went to the library to select books for home-bound patrons
• went to the book store
• folded (at least) two loads of laundry
• put away at least 50 board books scattered across the floor
  
• vacuumed under the cushions of both couches
• vacuumed the entire upstairs of my house
• polished a section of the hardwood floor
• emptied a very full dishwasher
• loaded it again to the max
• curled my hair
• brushed all of my teeth
  
• put on makeup
• changed my clothing
• talked to the gardener
• pulled some weeds
• went to the bathroom by myself
  
• cleaned out the fridge
• got the mail
• took out the trash
  
• paid some bills
• put medicine in the dog's ear
  
• checked my email
• checked every one's blogs
• visited with Sage and Ki
  
• read more submissions for Canisitwithyou.blogspot.com
  
• talked to my sister, my mom and someone from Sears.

I did all of these things from 10:55-2:08.

three hours and thirteen minutes?
That's all I need folks.

Lucy Goes to Daycare

Lucy went to a new daycare on Thursday morning. She lasted almost a whole hour. The newest caretaker is really very lovely. Nanny Kidwell. She is petite and sweet and wants Lucy to transition in an easy not unhappy kind of way. So Lucy will go for an hour on Tuesday , and maybe an hour and a half next Thursday depending on how she is feeling.

Who knew that my precious, precocious, confident, crafty little imp would have such a hard time going to day care. It can't possibly be because she likes me that much more. I'm sure of that. I am always trying to get things done: the dishes, the bills, the laundry, the medical paperwork, the budgeting, the sweeping..

oh seriously.. Lucy has just found the plug cover for the wall (I had taken it off to unplug something) and now she is trying to put it back on. She walked across the room with it and sat down in front of the plug and is trying to baby-proof the house for us. Now she just said "please" in sign language, so I helped her put it on.

Smells like Teen Spirit, No Wait. It smells like Crap.. Yeah Crap.

Did you know that the spa at Grand Wailea is one of the finest spas in the world? It really, really is beautiful. Descartes and I had a couple's massage on Thursday morning when we were in Wailea and it was absolutely wonderful. Beautiful temperature, the Termé HydroTherapy before hand makes you feel clean and pure and the pre-massage "peaceful pampering continues as a personal spa attendant gives you a complimentary body scrub of Hawaiian exfoliants" Wow, if someone could just come loofah my whole body once a week and gently rinse me off with warm water... I just might make it through this crazy life.

Because this is what happened just before we went to the spa:

My brother’s room was attached to our room, so we opened the door between the two rooms so the little girls could play together, and little Bubsy is in love with Jake, so she is very precious and constantly wants to go look at him, hug him and say "Hi". Since little Bubsy has never really been watched by anyone but family we made sure she had her own nanny… so my kids had one and his kid had one.. so two adults three kids two 6oo+ square foot rooms. Gerard and Pinky had an earlier spa treatment than we did, so they left first and came back first.

Basically we were all in my brother’s room watching the two little girls be extra cute, and we were all ignoring Jake. It is hard because he can entertain himself so easily that it is sometimes possible to forget that we should engage him since he can’t engage us as readily… well he was in the other room (our room) then there was some yelling, and it sounded like he was very frustrated. Then Pinky says “Ewww someone has the poops, bad”. So Descartes went to check Jake and I checked Lucy. Then I hear “jennyALICE! I’m gonna need some help, and Lucy should stay in there”.

Well Jake had pooped, and his diaper had fallen off which explains why he had come to the door between the rooms a bunch of times (lousy mommy... if I only had hindsight all the time.. I would catch all of the cues).

Descartes took Jake to the shower, I took towels to the floor and began scrubbing out what his right foot had stepped in and squished onto the floor. Descartes didn’t know it was on his foot when he made Jake WALK across the entire hotel room. It was a mess. Then Gerard and Pinky had to leave so Lucy stayed in with Bubsy for a bit longer until we had it together… our nanny (who we did not rehire after this incident.. we found another awesome one instead) had arrived some time during this fiasco and was with both little girls and Lisa, the other Nanny.

I scrubbed and blotted and dried and wiped and took a big pile of trash out of the room, and a wash load of towels to the linen service room which was right next door to our room (and told them it was bio-hazard and they asked me to put it in a separate place… nice protocol). So then we left and the room was just a little bit stinky but really not that bad considering. Descartes put out coffee grounds in glasses from our bar service figuring if it can help drug dealers hide the smell of dope, surely it could help one small family with a stinky room... as it turns out you should just spray sunscreen spray.. Hell, that smell covers everything and permeates your clothing through a few washes even once you are home... ahh but I digress.

So Descartes and I cleaned everything up, cleaned up the kid, and popped open the door between the rooms again. We left to the spa in desperate need of some pampering.
It was amazing. Really. Very, very spendy, but worth it. Then sitting on the lanai at the spa I just thought... this is so, so nice. I love my husband, my children are being well-cared for and we are out and about during the day by ourselves.. a true rarity for many adults with kids.. somehow it is okay to go out at night, but God forbid we spend time without them, as a couple, during daylight.

Then we got back to our room. The first words out of my brother's mouth... "Thanks for leaving the door open Jennyalice, now our room smells like shit too. Dude, you guys need to buy some candles."

• I apologized.
• I pulled both of my kids out of my brother's room (where they had been playing, Jake against the sliding glass door, tapping and Lucy playing with Bubsy and both nannies.)
• I closed the door between the rooms.
• I paid the nanny and said good bye to that little 20-something year old.
• I called housekeeping and begged for someone to come clean the floor.
• I started to cry.

My brother's room didn't smell like shit because of the accident earlier.

It was because Jake was sitting in a shitty diaper. A ripe, been-there-since-my parents-left, stuck on and rotting his skin with poo-acid type of dirty diaper.

Probably explains why the little Nanny-girl said "He was sort of agitated the whole time, but he was okay."

It is amazing how quickly 2.5 hours of relaxation and massage can be nearly wiped away.

No pun intended.

K-I-C-K-E-D O-U-T!

It is going into the baby book.. I may even frame it for now.. It is official

Lucy has been kicked out of day care.

I will post the official letter I received just as soon as I stop fighting with my printer/scanner (that I just finished telling Sagewas so wonderful!)

KICKED OUT! Seriously... seriously? Jake was kicked out of a home day care too, when he was two. He was old enough to "count" as a toddler, but still needed the attention of a baby.. and Lucy, well the director thinks she "required more 1:1 attention"...

I think she is bored.. that is my guess.. I think she needs older kids.

But, uhm , yeah.. my NT kid was kicked out of day care.. oh and while I was talking with the director, Lucy let herself out of the screen door went over to a play structure, climbed up a ladder and went down a slide by herself. I asked when she started that.. and the director told me that "the little ones don't normally play on that one".. yeah. I think she's bored.
at least that is what I will tell myself 'cause I do NOT have time for a pity party about me and my special needs children.

Jeesh.. so I am thinking about putting her in a pre-school and lying and saying she is two.. they would only think she was a little slow...if she could just get potty trained this week we could probably get away with it!

************update********
here is the scan!

Trigger Happy

So I find no shame in saying that I take Wellbutrin. See I said it. Okay, some shame...I need a crutch. My doctor said very nicely.."jennyalice, You are having very, very normal responses to a very extreme situation.. and I don't see the situation changing any time soon".

But what I have noticed lately is that I have been forgetting to take it sometimes, and here's why I think this is...

• I have had consistent childcare, both in number of hours and with the proper nurturing of my children.
• I have been giving away and throwing away things from my house to try to dig our way into a cleaner easier life.
• I have been completing some contract work.. for that same beautiful SF company.. and they appreciate what I can do.. and pay me accordingly.
• I have a "new-ish" group of friends who are very supportive and brave and funny and who appear to like me.

So what I have figured out is that I need a few things to feel human: a little time away from being a mommy, a little control over my environment, a few moments where someone thinks I'm smart, and a couple more when someone thinks I am funny. That's it. On a day when I can also add going to the gym, making dinner for my husband and reading a book.. well that sounds like a life of luxury.

Most days I get a "trigger" which reminds me that a little round white pill will make life a lot smoother...like I look into the unfinished backyard which I began to undo for my kids, but will most likely never finish, or I try not to get kid's poop into the cracks on my hands which are there from washing my hands so much because I change so many diapers.

Some days the "trigger" comes at 4am when Jake is wandering the halls and I am unable to get up to help him because I still have Lucy nursing for what seems like all night long for these 13 months of her life.

Whatever it is, lately I haven't noticed those "little" triggers, the days aren't as tough when I have some of those other things going on. hmmm....

See Ya Later Lucy

So I have taken on a "little" contract job again. Tomorrow morning I am doing my part to warm the earth by driving around the entire Bay so Descartes' parents can watch Lucy..wait, not only that, but they are going to meet me at BART so I can turn over my no-so-mini-van keys over to them and let them drive my little Lucy up the hill while I venture on over to San Francisco via BART and work for a few hours.

I hope it works. I miss her already.