All Treats

Jake and Lucy are home today... no school. We may head to the Cal Academy of Sciences

if we can get it together. It's chillier this morning and it's rainy and overcast.. and Californians are bad drivers who cannot figure out how to drive in the rain after all these years, so I am always loathe to get on a highway but this is all beside the point...

Jake said "Trick or Treat".

Jake SAID "TRICK OR TREAT"!

His bus driver told me that he said it on the bus yesterday afternoon. His teacher was talking with all of the kids as they were being pinned down. buckled in.

She asked the kids "Who's going to say Trick or Treat?" and they were answering, and Jake at the front of the bus said "I say trick or treat."

and from the back of the bus his driver, who speaks English as a second language, said "Jake! I heard you say trick or treat." and ran up and hugged him.

She told me all about it when they arrived in front of our house, and I mostly believed her, and wanted to encourage Jake so I asked him if he had said it... and he smiled and giggled!

then

this morning I asked him, when it was just the two of us lounging on my bed, "When we go out to night to get candy, what do you say?"

and he said "trick or treat" and he smiled.

*************************

appropriate language, answering a question, responding to a general query put out to a group, 

timely responses 

what's happening? is he talking more often? will there be more?

hope is such a painful wonderful emotion.

"I'll Miss You Daddy"

Yup. That's what our two year old said as she hugged Daddy one last time. She packed her Princess purse (thanks a LOT Squid) with her keys (an old key attached to an old doggie collar tag, her cell phone (princess phone stolen from cousin Bubsy), a kitchen timer shaped like an ice cream cone (a "time out timer" from Monster, we keep calling it a cupcake) and a small zebra.

Lucy gave her brother a hug, sat in my lap and held me, then marched out to the car. She waved good bye from her car sear, asked Papa to "Turn engine on please." for the A/C and they left for the week. That is one independent kid.

I cried a little. A little because I will miss her. A little because my "baby" is able to be without me for a week!

and a little because she was able to tell me she loves me and tell her Daddy that he will be missed. Those last two are a few messages we don't get to hear from Jake, though I know he thinks them. I am just so thankful that Lucy can communicate all of her emotions. It seems silly perhaps, but today, again, it feels like I have witnessed something amazing.

Jake walked everyone out to the gate, and initiated goodbye to his Papa. He is getting very good at ducking into people's arms for a small cuddle. Friends and family have noticed him initiating this more and more. He build relationship in his own way with each person.

When my dad left this morning Jake walked to the door too. Now it may be that he just knows he has a chance to escape, but I think he really is becoming a part of the good bye process without needing prompting. It was so nice to have BIAD here. We went crazy at the teacher supply store buying Lucy her birthday presents (art supplies, enough for a preschool), and he got to meet a bunch of people I know, even Sage made it back from Tahoe in time to meet him. He got to see Lucy swim and drop Jake off at school, eat Amici's pizza (one of our favorites) and help me pick out a new coffee maker. He also relaxed on the couch and read a few books, which is probably exactly what he needed.

Now back to packing Jake for camp. My house is suddenly very very quiet. It is still very hot, and we saw lightning in the distance. Hoping Jake's camp remains fire-free this summer.

Is It Friday? Well it Must be Since Jake's Talking!

I just got a call from Janice, Jake's amazing teacher. Happy Friday!

This morning on the playground during A-PE (adaptive phys-ed)

Anna: "Jake look, there's the circle. There's the square. There's the triangle."
Jake: "Triángulo"

for those of you who do not speak Spanish, that's triangle. What's even funnier is that Anna was speaking English to Jake but his echolalia was in Spanish...so does that still count or is that spontaneous language?

______________________________________________

and later today

The class went to get ice cream because it is hot today in Deadwood City. When they got back to the classroom, Jake ate all of his ice cream up lickety-split (no surprise there).

And then he ate the rest of Anna's ice cream too.

Anna: "Jake, your ice cream is all gone."
Jake: "NO."

Janice: "Jake, would you like some of my ice cream?"
Jake: beginning calmly and ending with high-pitched happiness, "yeAH!"

a few minutes later...
Anna: "Jake, you should say 'Thank you' to Ms. Janice for giving you some of her ice cream."
Jake: beginning slightly muffled then ending clearly..."Thank YOU!



parenting note: to encourage open communication with Jake I must
a) learn Spanish
and
b) carry ice cream on my person at all time.

Jake Goes To Camp

and so of course I am a freakazoid. Sage just took Lucy for the evening. I think Descartes and I may actually go see a movie.

I always get distressed when Jake goes to Camp.. even though he has been 5 times and it is a wonderful place and he LOVES it.. (and even said a high pitched squealy "YEAHHHHHH!" when a stranger asked him if he liked camp).

Also BQ's little boy is in the hospital again and I just feel like there isn't anything I can do for her. She has asked me to send her (via text) jokes of all kinds.. so if you have any good ones please put them in the comments section and I will text away later tonight.

Mamalicia said the other day "Everyone just seems really fragile these days, as if I must watch everything I say so as not to offend, or make someone cry." I guess I am thinking that too. Everything just seems a bit delicate and breakable.

Let's See, Where Have I Been?

Well, there was a massive migraine this weekend. The kind that includes throwing up..bile....yum. And what else? Oh yeah. Rats. Yes, rats.

Call PETA. I killed two of them in the last week. There is a long story there that includes the fact that my 6'5" husband is really, very disturbed by rats, dead or alive. That puts me (voluntarily) in charge of rat clean up. He is really a wonderful husband and father, so in this one area, it is my pleasure(?!) to take care of cleaning little bloody paw prints from our very own Remy off of the floor, and picking up his lifeless body after it has been ferociously snapped by my baited trap.


Rats in your kitchen suck. If you have never had a rat in your kitchen consider yourself the luckiest person in the world. Our neighbors removed a ton of brush from their front yard (big bushes and 500 + square feet of juniper). It is better for the neighborhood to remove the habitat, but in a pinch, it turns out that the space behind the kitchen baseboards in my house makes a decent enough home for two rats for a week. I am normally a generous hostess.

We spent nearly all day on Sunday removing the baseboards, then taking wire mesh and stapling it up under the kitchen cabinets so that the 1 1/2" opening was sealed. I then crawled under the back kitchen window box and discovered where they were coming in and sealed it up with steel wool and more fine metal mesh. Let us pray that there were a)only two of them b)if there were more than two, that they are all trapped outside the house and not inside and c)in the current torrential downpour the little buggers do not attempt to get in our home through any other narrow secret rat passage.

Perhaps I will recover soon and share more exciting things like:

• Jake pooped on the potty at school AGAIN!
• Lucy, at 20 months has begun speaking in 8-word sentences: "Mommy, I want to wash my hands please."
• Descartes and I had a lovely first play date with a couple and their two children... where Jake's (dis)abilites were neither feared nor obsessed over. We just had a plain old relaxing time. The mommy works with Descartes and the daddy is a kid watcher like me.. but he is a master home brewer.. play`dates are always better with beer!
  
• The backyard patio is done and Descartes has re-worked the pergola thingy and we have enough amps in the outside subp-panel to put a hot tub out there!
• Jake has been answering more questions with yeah and nah!
  

Aside from the Dragging Foot and the MRI

On Tuesday at school, Janet, Jake's teacher decided that instead of Pierre waiting for all of the other children to get settled in on the bus, he, for once, would be able to get on first.

Pierre is in a wheelchair. Wheelchairs always go last. Pierre always waits, patiently and with a smile, but Janet decided that maybe the other kids could wait just a couple of times a week so Pierre could be first to load on to the bus.

You cannot load walking kids at the same time the wheelchair bay is open.. it is a four foot drop if someone makes a break for that back door, and besides, the wheelchair responsibilities occupy all of the bus driver's attention for those few moments.

After explaining to the class that Pierre was going to go first and that they would all wait for their friend, Anna tried to get a head start and put Jake on the bus anyway while Pierre was getting loaded on. She was going to just buckle him in to save some time I suppose.

Anna walked Jake to the door of the bus. He took a step forward, then turned around,

looked Anna in the eyes

and said,

"No. Wait."

He refused to get on the bus until Pierre was strapped in.

Why Can't I get Any Help Around Here?

Just got a call from school.

Jake may have had a seizure..probably it was weird yawn (since he has been awake since 3 am), but they called and told me that he arched his back and his eyes rolled a little bit, so having not seen it myself.. the Doc will get a call.

in other news from school:

Each morning kids in Jake's class have circle time. They walk to the board, select their name from the field of names and hand it to the teacher. Everyone cheers and says "Yay! You are at school!" or something like that. Jake does it too, and apparently chooses the correct name many times and is generally compliant and follows along and does it independently (his aide, Anna, stays in her seat).

This morning:
"Okay it's Jake's turn"
Jake gets up, walks halfway to the board (maybe a foot and a half). He stops and turns back around to his aide and SAYS
"Gubba,waging pho ewe ANNA!".

the 'Anna' was VERY, very clear.

So they talked a bit about how Jake needs to be independent, and while Anna is his 1:1 aide she cannot do everything for him etc.

Jake walks to the board, picks out his name, hands it to teacher Janice.

The class cheered for him.

He turns, walks back to his chair but does not sit down. Instead he stands in front of Anna and says:

"Iba goma AGHHY art Nog Mutton" (no one could decipher this one) in an angry tone, stomped his foot, threw his arms up and down a few times then

sat down quietly.

The kid has a few opinions apparently.

Bad Words Bad Words

Lucy is a parrot:

My sister Demanda said, "Shitty pants."

Lucy said, "Sitty, Sit Sit Sit Sit."

When I thought I had lost all of our Can I Sit With You? files and was going to need to start from a much earlier point...
good thing she was asleep already...

Lucy Goes to Daycare

Lucy went to a new daycare on Thursday morning. She lasted almost a whole hour. The newest caretaker is really very lovely. Nanny Kidwell. She is petite and sweet and wants Lucy to transition in an easy not unhappy kind of way. So Lucy will go for an hour on Tuesday , and maybe an hour and a half next Thursday depending on how she is feeling.

Who knew that my precious, precocious, confident, crafty little imp would have such a hard time going to day care. It can't possibly be because she likes me that much more. I'm sure of that. I am always trying to get things done: the dishes, the bills, the laundry, the medical paperwork, the budgeting, the sweeping..

oh seriously.. Lucy has just found the plug cover for the wall (I had taken it off to unplug something) and now she is trying to put it back on. She walked across the room with it and sat down in front of the plug and is trying to baby-proof the house for us. Now she just said "please" in sign language, so I helped her put it on.

IEP Day

Jake's birthday means IEP at our house, probably just another reason why i get so riled up.. by the way, I am all fine now..it's October!

Our IEP went very smoothly. Always a delight when the teacher really knows and cares about your kid and is able to strike that delicate balance between praising and sharing all of his achievements while ensuring that he gets all of the services he needs.

The SLP is new to us, and new to our district. She has managed to get a pretty good idea of who my kid is in a matter of a month. Such a relief since we did not receive any speech last year at all. I am in charge of writing down all of the words we have heard Jake use appropriately
here goes:

• dog
• no
• yes
• 'Manda (my sister Demanda)
  
• [my brother-in-law's name]
• elephant
• idiot
• fuck
• no home
• out
• outside
• done
• more
• I'm jealous

I know there are more, but I am too tired to come up with any more.

I'm Lovin it

Did you know that McDonald's is a proud sponsor of Sesame Street?
Unlike several of my friends and many of my contemporaries, I do not hate McDonald's. I do not think they are responsible for childhood obesity in this country... most kids don't have jobs or cars, and they sure as hell don't walk anywhere, so if they are getting fat from MickeyD's it is because some one is taking them there and buying it for them. Everything in moderation and all will be well as far as I'm concerned..except crack, never crack.

So Friday night when Descartes was working late I had to go to the pharmacy to get Lucy a little amoxicillin (since she has some random red and tender area on her finger ...) so I fed the kids home made strata, a gift from Squid (thank you thank you!) and various other left-overs, bathed them, got them in jammies and placed them in the Not-so-Mini Van. Happy children, they watched a pre-recorded CD of Sesame Street (which opens with a McDonald's commercial...this is called foreshadowing).

After the pharmacy I decided I wanted ice cream. This doesn't happen to me very often, so I decided to listen to my body and search for drive through ice cream. Not really anything around except for McDonald's. Okay, so I go there, get the kids a vanilla milkshake and a small fry to share and I got a little sundae (which I could only eat four bites of).

I also purchased, for no known reason, two hot apple pies for a dollar. I cannot believe I am writing this. When I got home, those pies stayed in the bag, on the counter, uneaten over night, children went to sleep, Descartes and I discussed business plans and remodeling projects.

fast forward
the next morning, Descartes says "What is in that bag?" and I laugh and pull out one of the little red boxes with the Golden Arches on it. "Oh these are two apple pies for a dollar. I..."

and I am interrupted by little Lucy
who says very loudly with a little finger pointed so directly at the red box.
"..want McConalds!"

Descartes immediately tells me I am so busted. I almost started to cry, out of joy because my daughter can speak and point, and out of sadness and despair because am I seriously raising a junk-food kid?

Then I remembered that McConald's is a proud sponsor of Sesame Street..and she sees that show once a day every single day...and so Descartes gives me that one and agrees that Lucy has really only had McConald's two other times, and only on car trips to Tahoe.

jeesh.

I'm lovin' it.

Misunderstandings and Missed Opportunities

I am trying very hard to do a couple of things...

• provide Lucy opportunities that are not simply "tag along to what my special-needs brother can do"
• do things with both of my children at the same time outside of the house.
• actually ask Jake what he wants to do by giving him choices, instead of guessing (mostly correctly) and deciding for him.

Today I had a lovely breakfast with Bridquet and her daughter at one of my favorite cafes.. Lucy's trial run at daycare was cancelled (making me feel so relieved it nearly makes me want to never work again). I got to Trader Joe's buying the much needed 2 Buck Chuck requested by my sister Demanda... I fed Lucy lunch. I picked up Jake from the bus with plenty of time to spare.. I accomplished a lot.. or what I lacked in volume I made up for with success. Small victories are good.

We were invited to go swimming at Squid's house.. lucky us, and I had all sorts of grand plans to take Jake and Lucy and Jake's aide Valerie and head to Squid's house, but in keeping with my above stated efforts, I took a "Yes" "No" card we have taped to the fridge and actually asked

Jake: "Do you want to go swimming?"
He hits the "No" side of the card, but it looks like he may be hitting something (a drum?) next to it, so I remove the object and ask again.

He looks at "No".
I ask him again with the card in front of my face. It is see-through so I can see where his eye gaze heads..."No".

So I ask the same if he still wants to go to Ms. Squid's house and play on the trampoline or something else "No". and a little bit of a verbal "nah".

Then, to double check, I ask "Do you want to stay home?"

I get the eye gaze and a tap on the card in the "yes" corner.

So I talk to him about how that is totally fine, I understand because he is tired etc.

and I pack up Lucy and we say goodbye and we go for a fun swimming session with Squid and her three guppies and another friend and her guppy joins (can every one's kid swim but mine? working on it....)

When we get home I discover that the moment we shut the door behind us, Jake ran to the door, threw himself on the ground and whined/yelled. Valerie explained to him that he had said he didn't want to go and that we would be back..

Apparently he sulked for quite awhile.

Did he think I wasn't going to go if he didn't want to?

When I asked him that question, as I hugged him on the couch when we got home...
he looked me right in the eye, then buried his head into the couch.

What goes on in his head?

As Sage says "Hard to tell jennyalice. It's hard to tell." www.canisitwithyou.blogspot.com

¿Habla español? ¿Mí? No. ¿Jake? Si.

Today, at school, Jake said "escuela". Another little girl pointed to her picture and described its contents and said "escuela", then Jake said it in the same way. Echolalia? I'll take it.


forgot to add... when I told Descartes he said "escuela"? Yeah, 'cause baby knows more Spanish than daddy...

The Village Idiot

Yesterday there was a library assembly at Jake's school. Apparently he sat so nicely the entire time and enjoyed the presentation... except for one speaker.
This speaker has a "Yuck" song, and every time he says the word "Yuck" the kids all scream and yell.

It went something like this.

"Okay, well I can sing the nose song, or the Yuck Song."[SCREAMS]

Man pretends to mutter to himself, "Think before you speak Chuck, do not say the word 'yuck'".[SCREAMS]
and more to himself:
"Darn it, think before you speak. Don't say 'yuck'". [SCREAMS]

Taps his head a few times.
"Think. Think. Do not say the word "YUCK". [MORE SCREAMS]

This happens several more times.

Then Jake leans over towards Anna and Janet ...

and says

"What an idiot".

Crazy is how I feel Right Now

I must quickly recommend this book. The Way I Feel by Janan Cain

It has really really been helping with Jake. When he is sad and crying I quote the sad page (using a very wacky cry baby voice)...and he laughs.. almost like he can stop being so sad because he knows that someone actually understands that he is sad!

And I love "Angry"

"Angry is how I feel right now,"
I shout with a mighty roar.
I mostly want to frown and growl
and stomp upon the floor.

which is exactly what he does, so when I raise my voice and use monster tone and say those words he smirks and stops being so darn awful.

All Together Now

I was just sitting here reading a friend's blog, and contemplating her life (which is her story to tell) and life in general, and being sort of sad then happy, then sad, then happy, then..well you get it..and then...

I saw my two kids actually playing with each other. Lucy handed Jake a toy and he took it and smiled, then he gave it back to her and she ran away, then she went back and gave it back to him...then he put his hand gently on her arm. with tenderness.

Other parents just sort of hope that their kids will not kill each other, share some toys and all shut-up at the end of the day so said parents can get some rest.

I pray that Jake will not actually kill Lucy by squashing her unintentionally while I decide to make a calculated and much-delayed trip to the bathroom. I hope with fervor that Lucy will not choke on something we have inadvertently left out for Jake to play with...and since he will not be able to warn us, that if Lucy does start to choke, I am near enough to give her a Heimlich in time. and I pray that my children will actually talk to me at the end of the day, because I would give up for the rest of my life, a full night's sleep if Jake could express himself with language and allow us to understand what is going on in his head...for just one day...heck, I would probably even do it if we had just one hour with him.

Jake is a Potty Mouth

Our worst fears realized... you know I have always said that Jake's first words would be "I'm not retarded you stupid bitch." He has now said many words.. not repeated very many of them, but said them none the less, and none of them were those.. so I was wrong.
We have neglected to curb our language in the house, perhaps because we never thought we would need to, perhaps because this life is just a leetle bit more difficult than one might imagine. Either way.. it finally happened.
Jake is a potty mouth.

In the cafeteria at school today he is sitting with Anna, his aide, and the other children. Many of his classmates eat the school lunch, so I guess everyone had oranges today. I sent Jake to school with strawberries, so he didn't have oranges, but seeing that all of the other children had them, he wanted some. So he kept reaching for everyone else's oranges, and he kept getting told "no", then they find him his own orange, but Anna still needs to peel it, so he keeps grabbing and gets told to "be patient".
Apparently he got a leetle bit frustrated, and turned his head down and to the side (towards Anna) and said quietly but firmly... "Fuck."

Okay then.

So I got a call from the teacher who, by the way is very proud of Jake because he used the word in its appropriate context! We had a discussion and my theory is this: there is no such thing as a "bad" word. We make words bad or good or meaningful by the way we say them and where we say them and where we aim them. Just like playing with your genitals is not bad, it just shouldn't be done on the bus, or even in the living room. If a kid needs to explore their body.. hey--go to the bathroom or a bedroom.

No discipline for using the word, just gonna remind him that saying that particular word at school is not okay, but saying it in his room when no one else is around, that might be okay. And saying it when you drop a giant rock on your toe, or if you get shot in the leg.. it might be okay then too.

Just like saying "shit" after your kid's teacher tells you the story. Ahem, I guess that was okay.

Flowers for Mom

So it is kind of crazy, but Jake has been slipping out words nearly every day. I am writing them on the calendar in the kitchen.

Later when the kids are older, instead of handing them scrapbooks tenderly pinking-sheared at the edges, multi-colored and properly stickered, I will hand them the stack of family wall calendars.. they can match up the photos later, but that calendar is one of the true records of our family. It notes not only what we actually did, the appointments we made etc..but it documents all of the things we planned on doing, all of our good intentions.. along with what we thought was important at the time (mail insurance payment...Jake new wheelchair), and what we really really wanted to do (budget check, dinner with the Shraguers) It also lists every birth, death wedding and baptism. Almost like a family bible. There are flight plans, happy faces next to the word vacation!.. and now, Jake's words.

At the beginning of the month Jake was riding his adapted bike at school with the help of his one-on-one aide Anna. She is amazing by the way. They stopped to admire a flowering cherry tree. They are in full bloom in in Bigtree City, pink tinged and abundant.

Anna asked my son, "Aren't they beautiful Jake"?
He leaned forward, thrust his hand toward the tree, grabbed a handful of flowers and said "For Jen".
For me? for me?
His teacher was so excited she called my house and left a message for me immediately.

It is age appropriate for Jake to refer to me by first time. At this age kids have sort-of figured out that there parents have their own identity.

Later that evening, as Jake was in his bed and the lights were off leaving only the light from the stairwell.. I snuggled in next to him and asked if he had maybe picked the flowers for Janet his teacher. He made no sound. When I asked if they were really for me... he said, very quietly "yeah."

They sent home the one flower that stayed in his hand all the way back to the classroom.

I have pressed it in my Shakespeare tome...on the same page where I saved the flowers his daddy gave me for Valentine's Day in 1996.

Scary babies

Having Lucy hasn't been nearly as scary as we all thought it would be. She is much more demanding than I could have prepared for. And since she is already talking "Hi Dada", "Hi Jah" (that's "hi Jake"), "Hi dah" (that's "Hi dog") and "bite" (when offering the babysitter a graham cracker). I know we are in big trouble in a whole new way.

In My Language