29 August, 2007

What do I Look Like to You? Don't Answer That.

I got to spend some time with my dear friend Kaycee tonight. In town on business, we haven't seen each other in years, after spending every single day togther most of our childhood.

She was in my wedding, and I in hers. We wear the same size shoe, and she let me borrow her Guess! overalls in 8th grade. We met when we were nine years old when we were both best friends with Sue.

Kaycee has recently started reading this blog. I asked her if it was odd to have this relationship with me when I wasn't actually there. She said it is hard not to be close enough to hug me.. which is nice, since I need a hug on most days.

She said the hardest part about reading is that the person who shows up online is not the woman she knows. "In real life", she said, "You are the strongest person I know, fearless and constantly leading the rest of us, and online there is another part of you that is vulnerable and fearful and doubting yourself and the way you are taking care of Jake and Lucy. In all the years I've know you I have barely ever seen those parts."

hmmmm I was trying to figure this one out. I am thinking maybe it's because I try very hard not to burden my every day relationships with ALL of the crazy stuff in my head.. now if you choose to read, that's your own business, but I cannot imagine having any single friend who could possibly bear all of me. Just as I don't think your spouse should be "everything". You need a couple of friends who "get you" and some who like your kids, and some, at least one who likes your spouse. You need someone who makes you laugh, and someone who will hold your hair if you puke (from the flu or otherwise)... people to eat with, people who camp, someone who thinks you're sexy, smart, funny, whatever those words are for you...Descartes is a little of all of those things, but he can't hear it all every day, neither can my mom and she made me.
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