24 July, 2007

My Momma

my mom can't blog.. we used to fight about how she would always ask how to "cut" and "paste" in Word docs. I told her that she was going to live at least 40 more years and she should damn well figure it out.. so anywhoo she can't post a comment on my blog.. so she emails me... and I guess she must be reading my little words here because this is what she wrote:

i pray
i cry
i pray
i wash clothes
i pray
i email
my daughter blogs
I look in the mirror and I see my mother... i know that i'm not as smart as she...
my daughter is smarter than both of us...
i miss them both all the time... my life is so wonderful..... but there are so many things that make me sad... i can't change any of them.. i do the best i can.... i never feel like it is enough.... i miss my grandma... sometimes i take her old cooking fork out of the drawer and just look at it...
she would tell us .... it will get better, be patient
hell! she was always WASHING CLOTHES...!!!!!
I love you

for as often as we fight and misunderstand each other, I get it. She knew I would get it when I had a daughter. Lucy makes me crazy. She is so demanding and smart and annoying and funny and crazy and she is into everything all the time and she never stops moving and she dances in the kitchen and so I kind of get it. Why I can get under my mother's skin like no one else (except maybe Gerard.. he is pretty remarkable that way).. why she can get under mine. But aside from all of the tears and yelling and talking and irritation and such.. I am my mother's daughter. I have all of her odd little habits, and some of her heart and concern for others. I have her nails and her hands for that matter, and her oh-so-tiny ankles (though she has never broken hers).

I have much more to say on this topic.. not to mention that I also have my stepMomster.. and in many ways I have become that mother's daughter too.. because they are more alike than either would like to think...if in no other way.. they both love me fiercely.. and I am lucky for that. Hard to breathe sometimes, but I am lucky just the same.
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