Misunderstandings and Missed Opportunities

I am trying very hard to do a couple of things...

• provide Lucy opportunities that are not simply "tag along to what my special-needs brother can do"
• do things with both of my children at the same time outside of the house.
• actually ask Jake what he wants to do by giving him choices, instead of guessing (mostly correctly) and deciding for him.

Today I had a lovely breakfast with Bridquet and her daughter at one of my favorite cafes.. Lucy's trial run at daycare was cancelled (making me feel so relieved it nearly makes me want to never work again). I got to Trader Joe's buying the much needed 2 Buck Chuck requested by my sister Demanda... I fed Lucy lunch. I picked up Jake from the bus with plenty of time to spare.. I accomplished a lot.. or what I lacked in volume I made up for with success. Small victories are good.

We were invited to go swimming at Squid's house.. lucky us, and I had all sorts of grand plans to take Jake and Lucy and Jake's aide Valerie and head to Squid's house, but in keeping with my above stated efforts, I took a "Yes" "No" card we have taped to the fridge and actually asked

Jake: "Do you want to go swimming?"
He hits the "No" side of the card, but it looks like he may be hitting something (a drum?) next to it, so I remove the object and ask again.

He looks at "No".
I ask him again with the card in front of my face. It is see-through so I can see where his eye gaze heads..."No".

So I ask the same if he still wants to go to Ms. Squid's house and play on the trampoline or something else "No". and a little bit of a verbal "nah".

Then, to double check, I ask "Do you want to stay home?"

I get the eye gaze and a tap on the card in the "yes" corner.

So I talk to him about how that is totally fine, I understand because he is tired etc.

and I pack up Lucy and we say goodbye and we go for a fun swimming session with Squid and her three guppies and another friend and her guppy joins (can every one's kid swim but mine? working on it....)

When we get home I discover that the moment we shut the door behind us, Jake ran to the door, threw himself on the ground and whined/yelled. Valerie explained to him that he had said he didn't want to go and that we would be back..

Apparently he sulked for quite awhile.

Did he think I wasn't going to go if he didn't want to?

When I asked him that question, as I hugged him on the couch when we got home...
he looked me right in the eye, then buried his head into the couch.

What goes on in his head?

As Sage says "Hard to tell jennyalice. It's hard to tell." www.canisitwithyou.blogspot.com