Showing posts with label toilet training. Show all posts
Showing posts with label toilet training. Show all posts

10 June, 2010

The Truth of the Matter

Jake usually has a hard time readjusting to life after anesthesia. I remember getting my tonsils out and crying and fighting with my parents for days afterward, my emotions a raging mess. There's a term for it: post-surgical depression, although the term seems to be used interchangeably whether you are discussing the depression after surgery, or the recovery from anesthesia. I suppose most people under general anesthesia are probably getting surgery, so perhaps people don't stop to figure out where the depression really comes from, is it the emotional release after a stressful event, or the medication itself, but back to my point.... Jake has a really hard time.

Once a year he goes under general so he can have routine dental care. It is not cheap, but it sure is effective, and the dentist and the anesthesiologist are both so wonderful, I can't imagine not going back to them each year.

The first time we went it was after I saw something red on Jake's tooth. Sadly it was a cracked tooth, half of it missing, and the one on the other side was cracked as well. And of course we have no idea when it happened or how, but we think it may have occurred from coming down hard on his chin and his top teeth banging down on the bottom during some fall he had at the end of that summer. After we found those cracked teeth they were extracted, or at least what was left of them was extracted; He also grinds his teeth terribly. Then we put spacers in, cleaned his teeth and sealed them.

Another year it meant replacing a spacer which had disappeared (did he swallow it?) and filling a cavity. This year it was simple, remove the spacer (one was gone already...again) and clean his teeth. No cavities, no spacers. His teeth are in great shape. I attribute this genetics mostly, but also to the minor but consistent work we do getting Jake more used to a toothbrush in his mouth (a tooth brush that is actually moving and not just being chewed on) both at school and at home. We also make sure he has water every night before bed, he eats a lot of crunchy, plaque clearing food, like apples, and he doesn't have sugary juices all day long. According to our dentist, it's not the amount of sugar you take in, but the duration that really gets the teeth. Eating a pound of gummy bears in one sitting is less damaging to your teeth than drinking from a sippy cup of juice all afternoon. Thank goodness, because I let him eat a pound of gummy bears just the other day.. kidding.

So the joy of no tooth problems has been slightly overshadowed now by the aftermath of the anesthesia. He spent all of Thursday, after the dental work in the early morning,  being groggy and unstable. You think that kid has ataxia on a regular day, add a touch of Versed to that cerebral palsy and see what happens. I could not be farther than 20 inches from him for most of the day. He was starving on Thursday too, after needing to skip breakfast, and we just never caught up on the calories. It seems like he ate or fell down all day long. More problematic was the "bad butt" Jake had Friday and Saturday. It's like his gut just rots, or perhaps we let him eat too much cereal when he begins to wake up, and that's what actually affects his system. Either way it is not pretty for a few days.

Then there is the crying. The crying with tears just kills me. Both of my children can whine and cry and scream and yell, but if they show actual, real, wet, watery tears, 99% of the time it actually means something. It usually means one of them is in severe pain. The most upsetting emotional outbursts are when Jake cries with tears but without an obvious injury. It breaks my heart; he just sobs and sobs, and the tears slip down his face. It sadder than the Native American in that Coca Cola commercial. (How old are you that you know what I am talking about? Ha!) And the crying seems to come out of the blue. And he can't tell me whether his emotions are just welling up and spilling over because of the anesthesia or if there is a new, sad, unknown-to-mom problem.

And then there's the not sleeping. But I'm not really complaining, because this type of not-sleeping does not include yelling (at least not all night) or self-injurious or me-injurious behavior. Last night, Jake's sleeplessness actually came complete with chuckles, snorts and guffaws.

He was laughing and laughing.. and it was, by this time, about 1:30am. He just would not stop laughing. I had already been downstairs several times, perhaps every 15 minutes or so I had visited his room, and changed his pajamas each time.

Why? Okay, here's the truth.

Jake wasn't just awake and laughing, he was also taking off his pajamas (and diaper) and PEEING everywhere. Well, not everywhere, but in little puddles, next to his bed, in the hall, onto his pajamas. He thought it was hilarious. Each time when I walked him to the bathroom he would laugh even harder and try to go back to bed.

This is a big deal and not because I needed to clean up a mess or six, but a big deal in a much more exciting way. And I'll admit this is where I like to take credit for noticing small victories in the face of adversity, but this little game he's playing means Jake is getting closer to toilet training. This peeing on the floor thing is very typical behavioral development for NT kids (at least some (most?) of the ones I've met.) We have a long way to go, but he is learning and using his body in new ways with different awareness. And yes this is part of what I was talking about in that post about shame, but we are going to get there with good structure and consistency..but hey... Jake can now take down his own pants when he wants to pee! That is a huge accomplishment for a boy who does not have pincer grasp, and has a variable grip. Hooray for new physical abilities!

****

He's down there again this evening wandering between the hall and his room and Lucy's room-- four and a half hours past his bedtime and I know he's awake. He occasionally drops toys over the gate, or more likely a sippy cup because he knows I will bring it back to him, and I can hear his feet slipping across the hardwood. And one of my favorite sounds,  his muffled happy squeal as he buries his head in the pillows and blankets. 

So then, back to it.

18 June, 2008

Maybe...

Maybe I'm not managing my time well. It all seems to be slipping away from me. I have so much to do and not enough hours and at the end of the day? I still feel like I haven't accomplished much. My MIL, Cookie, told me once how she was constantly frustrated when her kids were little because when her husband would build a wall, or set up the sprinkler system, or some huge task, everyone (her self included) would cheer and praise his big accomplishment... and somehow, everything she seemed to do was undone within hours and needed to be done again, over and over again-- with no one cheering.

I'm sure I am not alone in my frustrations. Other SAH's or WAH's must feel this way sometimes right? Lucy is two and I have a child with special needs,but I still think I should be able to get a lot more done. But lately? Well, I am just too tired to tackle the big stuff. Probably depression? Normally when I get the blues I start to kick-ass. I was told years ago that this kicking-ass part is just another way that people cope. I am hoping that the kicking comes back soon, I have a LOT to get done.

In other news.. we had a terrific IEP the other day. Jake will be evaluated in all categories including ABA, which we have never previously pursued. I feel like he finally has the ability to physically sit still long enough to benefit from this kind of learning, and he has been doing discrete trial learning in the classroom set up by his teacher Janet. I think an outside set of eyes can help determine a good home/school plan that will help him keep moving onward and upward which he seems to be doing lately.

He went on the second grade field trip at school. The entire second grade went to a local children's discovery museum. I was actually a chaperon and had not just Jake, but TWO other boys in my group. Anna, Jake's regular aide was out sick, so Lala went with us. She was great with him, and it allowed me to actually have this small but "mixed" group. Of course one of the kids was George, Jake's buddy from the other classroom. He continues to be one of the nicest children I have even met. The other boy was Freddo, who I had never met before. He was shy at first and rode to the museum on the school bus..but he asked to ride home in my van with Jake. It could have had something to do with the little tv showing ShrekII, but I will take it how I can get it. Jake was such a good boy all day. I think he was thrilled to have his friends in the car with us, and I think I may try to take all three boys to Gilroy Gardens or some other fun over the summer.
I have always thought the the children at Jake's school were nice kids. Of course there are going to be a few bad eggs, but on the whole, well-mannered, well groomed, good spirited kids. I was thrilled to see all of "our" second graders behaving so well at the museum. I watched with dismay those kids from another school not sharing, blocking the stairs, pushing each other, running inside and generally not saying excuse me if they stepped on your toes. One of our kids asked so nicely to use a toy (that the other child had TWO of) and when that child said "no", our kid reiterated that he would only have it for a minute, and when the response was still no? Our kid said, well, okay, and pretended-on in his game without the toy, leaving the other kid standing there with lots of toys and no one to play with. I think I am going to write a letter to our school principle letting her know just how great our kids were, and how nice it was to see all of the school mission statements being played out in public.

To Do:
Lucy thank you cards for amazing birthday gifts from friends and family
Letter to Jake's principle
Call the Director of Special Ed and talk about scheduling evaluations
Pack Jake for camp (he leaves this Sunday)
Pack Lucy for Cookie and Papa's house (she leaves on Saturday)
Pack Jennyalice and Descartes for anniversary trip (leaves on Sunday)
Buy a new coffee pot

Hey--my dad is in town. He finished up his grades at the college, cleaned up his office and came up here this morning. He will be here until Saturday morning. I believe Lucy is calling him Grappa now. So she has Grandpa, Papa and Grappa, Grandma, Oma and Noni. Pretty lucky kid. I am just so excited that he is here. He is an easy house guest, happily reading on the couch, offering love to children passing by.

Tomorrow I will take my dad to coffee so he can meet Squid, Liz, Badger, Ep, Jo and the incomparable Barak.
[just so you know I had to take a break here because Lucy is doing some self-potty training and decided to drop her drawers in her room , but whne she couldn't find her little potty she bacame upset, and apparently, while I was happily sitting in the backyard on my laptop enjoying a cool breeze.. she crapped all over the place and was very distraught by the mess. So the Daddy hosed the girl and I crawled around and cleaned poop off of every surface where it was, and most surfaces where it wasn't as well. I also scrubbed out the cushion covers from the million dollar glider that is in the room, and her pajamas.. all covered in poo. Who knew that the NT kid would present me with more poo problems than the "special" kid?]

Lucy goes to her last day of daycare at Nanny Kidwell's house tomorrow. Nanny is moving on to preschool pastures and a matching 401k. Sux for us, but a smart move for her. It has been a great place for Lucy to grow and learn.. and get out of my hair! HA! We bought Nanny a pretty ring with a blue stone to thank her for her affection, determination, structure and warm heart. I am so glad we got to know her and her two wonderful daughters (who can still babysit!)

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I need to make lists now. Lots of lists.

Maybe I am feeling a dose of ass-kickery coming on? Maybe?

27 February, 2008

Waterworks

  • The LandCruiser will cost $2500 to repair, and that's just if we fix the catalytic converters...not even trying to fix the tail light or the one bad tire (note: please make sure your tires are properly inflated. You really can ruin your tires by not making sure they are all four inflated properly...especially if you don't rotate them!)
  • Lucy refused to nap today
  • The stylus for my Superphone flew out in my kitchen, landed on the floor and has disappeared.
  • Jake woke up with a dry diaper again today (at 6am) and when I tried to race him upstairs (because the downstairs bathroom still isn't done) he went willingly.. then when Lucy followed us and barged in he got mad and refused to go on the toilet.
  • I was all excited to go out of town in April with my husband and just figured out that it is NOT the weekend Jake goes to camp, which would therefore make it too difficult for his grandparents to take care of him (and Lucy) for the entire weekend.. so no chance of Descartes and I ever getting away together by ourselves...ever again? for the rest of our lives?
  • I am hot. While I love the idea of springtime coming.. bulbs pushing through the dirt, I am not ready for the weather change.Sweater no sweater? long socks short socks? sunblock!
  • Lucy did not nap today.
  • My Internet connection was down nearly all day.

Are these things that would make others cry? I sobbed on Lucy's bed (she was playing upstairs...not napping...)

then of course I got it together and fixed the Internet connection and paid all of the bills and found some short socks.

31 October, 2007

Lucy Sleeps! Jake Wanders.

So is there a conspiracy? Lucy has slept through the entire night two days in a row (hmmm perhaps the Motrin at bed to go along with all of those teeth coming in is heloing? derrrr)

Jake has been up and either upset about wet pants (reasonable) or threatening to go out the doggy door (so uncool).

Did they get togethero the other day while I was in the shower and decide that Jake was going to take the early shift for awhile? Make sure Mommy never gets a full night sleep.

Good thing they are cute!

Happy Halloween. Not my favorite holiday....I am thankful that I have little ones to take 'round the neighborhood and we will not be on any major roads dealing with any drunk drivers.

Be safe everyone. Tinkerbell, Mr Incredible and I will be spending the day going from park to park I think.

31 August, 2007

Smells like Teen Spirit, No Wait. It smells like Crap.. Yeah Crap.

Did you know that the spa at Grand Wailea is one of the finest spas in the world? It really, really is beautiful. Descartes and I had a couple's massage on Thursday morning when we were in Wailea and it was absolutely wonderful. Beautiful temperature, the Termé HydroTherapy before hand makes you feel clean and pure and the pre-massage "peaceful pampering continues as a personal spa attendant gives you a complimentary body scrub of Hawaiian exfoliants" Wow, if someone could just come loofah my whole body once a week and gently rinse me off with warm water... I just might make it through this crazy life.

Because this is what happened just before we went to the spa:

My brother’s room was attached to our room, so we opened the door between the two rooms so the little girls could play together, and little Bubsy is in love with Jake, so she is very precious and constantly wants to go look at him, hug him and say "Hi". Since little Bubsy has never really been watched by anyone but family we made sure she had her own nanny… so my kids had one and his kid had one.. so two adults three kids two 6oo+ square foot rooms. Gerard and Pinky had an earlier spa treatment than we did, so they left first and came back first.

Basically we were all in my brother’s room watching the two little girls be extra cute, and we were all ignoring Jake. It is hard because he can entertain himself so easily that it is sometimes possible to forget that we should engage him since he can’t engage us as readily… well he was in the other room (our room) then there was some yelling, and it sounded like he was very frustrated. Then Pinky says “Ewww someone has the poops, bad”. So Descartes went to check Jake and I checked Lucy. Then I hear “jennyALICE! I’m gonna need some help, and Lucy should stay in there”.

Well Jake had pooped, and his diaper had fallen off which explains why he had come to the door between the rooms a bunch of times (lousy mommy... if I only had hindsight all the time.. I would catch all of the cues).

Descartes took Jake to the shower, I took towels to the floor and began scrubbing out what his right foot had stepped in and squished onto the floor. Descartes didn’t know it was on his foot when he made Jake WALK across the entire hotel room. It was a mess. Then Gerard and Pinky had to leave so Lucy stayed in with Bubsy for a bit longer until we had it together… our nanny (who we did not rehire after this incident.. we found another awesome one instead) had arrived some time during this fiasco and was with both little girls and Lisa, the other Nanny.

I scrubbed and blotted and dried and wiped and took a big pile of trash out of the room, and a wash load of towels to the linen service room which was right next door to our room (and told them it was bio-hazard and they asked me to put it in a separate place… nice protocol). So then we left and the room was just a little bit stinky but really not that bad considering. Descartes put out coffee grounds in glasses from our bar service figuring if it can help drug dealers hide the smell of dope, surely it could help one small family with a stinky room... as it turns out you should just spray sunscreen spray.. Hell, that smell covers everything and permeates your clothing through a few washes even once you are home... ahh but I digress.

So Descartes and I cleaned everything up, cleaned up the kid, and popped open the door between the rooms again. We left to the spa in desperate need of some pampering.
It was amazing. Really. Very, very spendy, but worth it. Then sitting on the lanai at the spa I just thought... this is so, so nice. I love my husband, my children are being well-cared for and we are out and about during the day by ourselves.. a true rarity for many adults with kids.. somehow it is okay to go out at night, but God forbid we spend time without them, as a couple, during daylight.

Then we got back to our room. The first words out of my brother's mouth... "Thanks for leaving the door open Jennyalice, now our room smells like shit too. Dude, you guys need to buy some candles."

  • I apologized.
  • I pulled both of my kids out of my brother's room (where they had been playing, Jake against the sliding glass door, tapping and Lucy playing with Bubsy and both nannies.)
  • I closed the door between the rooms.
  • I paid the nanny and said good bye to that little 20-something year old.
  • I called housekeeping and begged for someone to come clean the floor.
  • I started to cry.
My brother's room didn't smell like shit because of the accident earlier.

It was because Jake was sitting in a shitty diaper. A ripe, been-there-since-my parents-left, stuck on and rotting his skin with poo-acid type of dirty diaper.

Probably explains why the little Nanny-girl said "He was sort of agitated the whole time, but he was okay."

It is amazing how quickly 2.5 hours of relaxation and massage can be nearly wiped away.

No pun intended.

27 August, 2007

On Island Time


SO apparently I am not as technically talented as I previously thought myself. It has taken me nearly a week to figure out that the reason I could not log the computer on in my room was due to the fact that I needed to let the hotel pick an IP address for me.. oh well. it is probably better this way, as now that I am online I realize that the connection is so very very slow. Perhaps it is the only thing that isn't grand about the Grand Wailea. I have stored a few thoughts, so I'll just post as I get the time...

We arrived last Tuesday. Hours ahead of the rest of our family, which is good since our children were done being close to other people or nice to anyone. We figured out that we are not going to Europe any time soon with these children at these ages.. and certainly not Australia, and probably not even the East Coast. I am not looking forward to the flight home... there is no vacation waiting at the end of that flight.

Now having said that I must also say that I am so proud of my children...especially Jake. He was such a good boy on the flights.. yes flights.. we had a layover and plane change in Honolulu. He was very cuddly and nice for nearly the entire flight from SFO to HON. In fact the only real problem he had was that he had to poop twice. Not sure if y'all know this, but airplane bathrooms are very very very very small. And my son is craptastic..and not potty trained. After Leelo's great potty training adventures I am inspired, and will be working hard for this when we get back, but alas we were stuck with one poopy boy and one small bathroom. He waited as long as he could. We had talked a lot that morning about trying to poop before we get on the plane etc. Then when he needed to go, he started to get the sillies and climb all over Descartes. He knows when he needs to go, just gets stage fright or something when he is there... anywhoooo all of the worst things happened, poop all over the place, Lucy only wanted Mommy, and Daddy can barely fit in an airplane bathroom by himself let alone with a 4 foot something 6.5 year old.. all this and Mommy forgot to take her crazy pill. We survived. Once you let go of the idea that children should not sit on the floor of an airplane bathroom you can pretty much get through most things.
So other than the toilet thing... Jake did very very well. Just played in his seat next to Daddy and ate every single possible snack we handed him. It was like a 5 hour snack session. The food on the plane was gross. So gross that Lucy actually took the turkey out of her mouth and very gently handed it back to me and said "No. No".. and my kids will eat just about anything.

We later learned that getting up at 4:30am CA time, after a poor night's sleep, travelling all day with small crazy children, skipping lunch, then adding heat and alcohol, well, it can make Mommy and Daddy a little bit wobbly.
We made it though.. all the way the Kahaluhi Airport Maui...got our rental car and landed safely at the Grand Wailea. Our room was ready early. And whoever thinks this room has no ocean view... they are crazy. That is Molokini and Kahoʻolawe in the distance. Our room is perfect with a door that opens to my brother Gerard's room so Pinky and I can share hairspray (ha ha) and little Bubsy and Lucy can play with all of the toys those good parents brought for their daughter.

09 July, 2007

Oh and this happened too.

This is another part of the morning.. in conversing with the bus driver...

Judith: "You must be so patient all the time with Jake."

Me: thinking .." I am sooo not patient all the time with him. But wait, I am more patient that many people would be. Yeah, but not patient enough. Maybe we would be farther along with toilet training if I were just more patient. Descartes is always saying I need to be more patient. I'm a bad person. I am not patient with either of my children. I need therapy. No I don't need therapy. I need more sleep. More than three hours a night. I need to get my toe nails painted because they are chipping, and darn it I deserve to have that one nice little thing all for myself. Great, now I am impatient and selfish.. wait, no I'm not. I just want my toes to look nice. I should have put a Bandaid on Jake's toe. I hope it doesn't hurt him today at school. I need to buy milk this morning. Maybe I will actually take a shower. I bet Lucy will need to shower with me so she won't climb the bookcase while I'm not looking..

Me: out loud "Yes, I am very patient with Jake, until I'm not."

15 June, 2007

PeePee on the Pot-TEE peeepee on the Pot Tee

I got a great call from school today! Jake went to his own flip book and started playing with the icon for bathroom. He was also hitting his waistline with his hand.

His teacher Janet.. who is amazing, noticed and asked Jake if he wanted to go to the bathroom.

She got no discernible response so she offered him Free Play or Bathroom. He had been playing with another little girl before he got up to go to his flip book, so he chose Free Play. Janet said that he should go to the bathroom first then have free play so he went with Anna to the bathroom
where he stood in front of the toilet....
AND PEED!

Now he has done this before of course, but never initiated so completely on his own.. and has never followed through with anyone else but me.

When he came back to the classroom the entire class celebrated (which may sound inappropriate, but bathroom and self-care issues are a part of their learning). Other children in the class (who can speak..) were coming up to Jake and patting him on the shoulder and saying "Good job pee-pee Jake. Good job pee pee".

Janet gave him cookies right away, and promised him that he would have ice cream when he got home from school.. which he did.

Janet and I had just spoken about toilet training on Thursday night at Open House. She seems to think that Jake is right on the cusp of some big changes. Wouldn't it be great if he were toilet trained before our trip to Hawaii in August?!

16 May, 2007

spoiler alert

spoiler alert
if you do not want to spoil your dinner, do not read on about poop.

So there is one thing I thought I would NEVER do..and that is bribe with food. Not that our family isn't food-centric sort of automatically since that is one area Jake of life that Jake has mastered. It has always been a nice thing that every member of the family can bond over food with Jake.. but I really do not like it when parents bribe with food. I just don't get it. It sets up eating disorders and is not a sustainable model and attaches all sorts of weird thing to food that will then trigger the person their entire life...okay being melodramatic, but I really don't like it.

I have set all of my unfounded, biased, self-righteous, ridiculous opinions aside in the quest for Jake to be toilet trained. I broke down about two weeks ago and told him straight out. "If you poop into the toilet I will let you eat as much ice cream as you can in a sitting. I do not care if it is 8:30pm or 7 o'clock in the morning on a school day. If you poop into the toilet you can have ice cream".

Jake ate some ice cream today. I was not even home, but I had told Valerie, Jake's 1:1 at home (that's what I am calling her now, since he is not a baby, and she sure as hell never gets a chance to sit!)

She called me to tell me that she took Jake to the pot and lo and behold it was perfect timing..plop and the kid got to eat ice cream.

I went out and bought a gallon of the good stuff in anticipation of great things.

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