Acceptance

the kids four years ago August 2006

The Goodnight show is teaching the word "sibling" this evening.

myGirl: Oh! I can call my brother my sibling!

Daddy: Yep. You're very smart sweetheart.

'Nina' on television: Do you go to school with one of your siblings? That can be fun!

myGirl (to the television people): Nope. I do not go to the same school as my sibling.

myGirl (excitedly, to her dad): Hey, when I grow up and I have autism like Jake, we can go to the SAME SCHOOL!"

Daddy: Oh sweetheart, you aren't going to have autism when you're older.

myGirl (slightly deflated, then with building enthusiasm): Oh...well, that's okay. When I grow up, my girl will have autism, and SHE can go to the same school as Jake!"

Daddy: You mean your daughter?

myGirl: Yes, my daughter will have autism, and SHE can go to that school!

Pretend

we've never really had a kid who played pretend in our house. Not initiated the game on their own, although we play tickle monster with Jake, and say all sorts of things while wrestling.

Now we have bears to hide from, and pretend beetles named Sophie (and Sophie's brother and Sophie's daddy too)

and just now, Lucy sat on the floor with a fairy and a Polly Pocket and the two little people had a whole discussion about having playtime together and they decided to be friends and play patty cake. Then they climbed a mountain and got to the top and said "Good job friend! We did it." Now they are at the fairy's house and they are singing a song about being friends and going to sleep. They are even saving a place to sleep for someone's brother.

She just asked me for a brother dolly.

One little person has "a nice haircut", which was met by "thank you nice thing a say [sic]."

In Lucy's make believe land all of the little people share and are kind to each other. They compliment haircuts and say excuse me.

It is also sweet because in this little world of hers, the brother talks too. And he always has nice things to say to his sister.

More " Normal" Than One Might Think

Jake is a bit restless this morning...probably something to do with waking up a lot earlier than normal...

how it's going down around here number #1:
Lucy--quietly sitting in a little chair eating her breakfast and watching "a show". Then she gets up to dance.

Jake steals her chair.

Lucy yells "Momma!"

how it's going down around here number #2:

Lucy is back in her chair watching "a show."

Lucy is laughing and singing.

Jake walks in to the living room and proceeds to walk in front of the television three or four times, garnering more and more protest from Lucy.

Jake throws himself at the television screen, covering the entire picture with his body.

Lucy yells "NooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Jake laughs and jumps on the couch.


These interactions make me so happy. Who knew I'd be happy to see my kids bickering?

You Can Just Tell

So I took both kids to the park this afternoon. They had a great time. Better yet, I had a great time, which means we are getting better at all of this. I am less fearful, and more playful.

I also figured out why Jake squats down in the middle of the water play area whether or not there is water on. He loves to squat and he is very good at it. Being very flexible helps. I can do it too. Hyperflexability sort of runs in my family. But here's the reason: when you are in the center of the water play area there is a sort of a focal point where all of the sound comes together. When he sits in that one spot he can hear the children playing in the sand box, in the water play area and on the swings all at the same time.

I never noticed before because I normally give Jake his space in the park, allowing him to roam safely away from me; for once not holding hands while outside.

Today I went over to him and bent down and covered him with myself, enveloping him in a hug, sort of just thankful for him, and I heard all of the sounds when I bent down. I never would have guessed a focal point would be there because there is only a half circle of cement around the water play area, and the wall is very low. This has been Jake's favorite place in the park since he could walk. It has taken me 5 years to figure out why. It makes me wonder what other amazing things he knows, and makes me want to run through every single one of his "odd" behaviors and figure out if there is a "reason" he does them.

The other part of our park story, aside from the little Gremlin Lucy enchanting a precious 3 year old boy and encouraging him to chase her all over the park, is that Lucy sat down next to a little boy and his nanny and asked nicely with a signed please for some of their snack. Thankfully they were more than happy to have her there.

When I joined them on the bench, the nanny asked "Does Jake like to sing?" (I had been using his name quite a bit encouraging Lucy to go hug her brother etc.).

I said, "Well, yes. When he is happy he makes singing noises."

and she said, "Yes, I cared for a boy just like him in the Philippines. I never understood the words, but he loved to sing."

I queried, "A boy 'like him'?"

and she said very plainly, "Yes, a boy with autism just like him."

"So you can just tell?"

"Yes."

Bullseye!

So Target got to me today. Yuh, ah, Target. The store with the big red, uhm Target, got me right smack in the center of my chest and made me cry.

I didn't know where to find coloring books. You know why? 'Cause Jake doesn't like to color. So I have never had any reason to purchase coloring books before Lucy, who love, love, loves to color. And in case I thought I had to? In the past I have purchased plain paper apparently because for the life of me.. I had no idea how much a coloring book should even cost (for the record I did not have a lot of coloring books growing up.. my parents did not see that I needed some one else's creative genius to figure out my own, and if I really needed help, my grandmother, Char was the amazing artist ever, and could really draw anything, then teach me how to draw it.)

So I found them, and I stood there with tears in my eyes because Lucy was pointing at what she wanted and I find my self in uncharted territory.

I wonder what is harder? Starting out with a kid like Jake who does not fit the norm, then being thrown for a loop with a more typical child, or starting out with one who does everything on schedule and with ease and following it with a kid who doesn't come close to the norm?

I guess I am lucky I had it this way because now every damn thing Lucy does is a miracle, and I also already know where the emergency room is.

K-I-C-K-E-D O-U-T!

It is going into the baby book.. I may even frame it for now.. It is official

Lucy has been kicked out of day care.

I will post the official letter I received just as soon as I stop fighting with my printer/scanner (that I just finished telling Sagewas so wonderful!)

KICKED OUT! Seriously... seriously? Jake was kicked out of a home day care too, when he was two. He was old enough to "count" as a toddler, but still needed the attention of a baby.. and Lucy, well the director thinks she "required more 1:1 attention"...

I think she is bored.. that is my guess.. I think she needs older kids.

But, uhm , yeah.. my NT kid was kicked out of day care.. oh and while I was talking with the director, Lucy let herself out of the screen door went over to a play structure, climbed up a ladder and went down a slide by herself. I asked when she started that.. and the director told me that "the little ones don't normally play on that one".. yeah. I think she's bored.
at least that is what I will tell myself 'cause I do NOT have time for a pity party about me and my special needs children.

Jeesh.. so I am thinking about putting her in a pre-school and lying and saying she is two.. they would only think she was a little slow...if she could just get potty trained this week we could probably get away with it!

************update********
here is the scan!

Kisses

Lucy gives kisses now.. freely.. to her dolls.. to pictures of babies in books, to her mom, and dad..

and to her big brother Jake... who holds very, very still so she can get him.

i am the luckiest mom in the whole world