01 June, 2009

Tomorrow, Which is Now Today

Because that's how it's been lately. 

We talked with DB last night for quite a bit and she was complaining that while I updated my "stoopid Twitter" "every 5 minutes," she found nothing in my blog which explained the 140-character snapshots of my life. I am a little distraction for her as she wraps up what has been One. Hell. Of. A. Year.  Lessons I walked away with: update my blog more often, because someone might need to read it and be entertained, and more importantly, divorce is a very ugly thing.

In my own attempt to stay married (and that's what they call a segue folks...) I am going to the GGRC (Golden Gate Regional Center) to ask that they send Jake to the same summer camp he's gone to since he was 5. This is truly the only time each year when Descartes and I can leave town together knowing that Jake is safe *and* we are not burdening our friends or family with what we know is a very demanding child (although we have left little miss Lucy with Descartes' parents.. Lord help them). I cannot explain how important it is to me to have just a a few nights away with Descartes when we are not responsible for Jake. Of course we still worry when he's at Camp, but we know he will be okay and that there's a huge staff of people who can care for him.

We have been smart enough to install that weekly date night, which feels very decadent most of the time, but those few days he is at camp, and the date nights, I think that's the only way we are going to make it through parenting these children for the next gazillion years. We need to still like each other, even just a little bit, so we can make good decisions and feel safe, and protect our kids.. and if we get through with that.. we can try for emotional growth and well-being, a sense of self which is grounded in strong relationship blah blah blah.. all I know is that if Descartes and I hadn't taken those 4 days last summer to celebrate being married for 10 years I think I would still be sad right now about all of *those things* that we don't get to do. 

And then there's the idea of providing some kind of parity with the children. Lucy does her best to ensure that she is not ever forgotten, but she is told quite often to "Wait just a minute. I'm helping Jake right now."  How many times can she hear that line and be okay? Maybe we'll be lucky and she will have an amazing depth of grace, but I imagine it will be easier for her to bear it all if she feels like she has us to her self a few days a year.  

And so.. I have my notes together and I'm off to bed.


and DB.. just so you know I have at least 8 drafts saved... things I've been meaning to post. Maybe June will be a turning point in the writing department. 


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