It is Dognobble's birthday today. He was the best man in our wedding, his wife read a poem during the service. We were in their wedding 4 weeks later. They have been the best friends we have ever had. And now their kid barely remembers me when I call to wish his daddy happy birthday.
We used to go to Montana every year with them.. and before there was a "them" and an "us" I went with Dognobble and groups of friends and we helped build the cabin, plant trees and watch the stars.
We used to go to their house and stay up all night long drinking Lime Rickey-Mickey's, good Scotch and bubbly water, and wine, and one time tequila when we had run out of everything else. All while our child slept in a pack and play in the guest room. We used to take walks along all of the beautiful paths in their town, and spent several Halloweens touring their safe flat city.
We actually talk when we are with Dognobble and DB. They are much more liberal than we are.. or at least they think they are, since we hold our hand pretty close, but they are damn smart and so open to discussion that by the end of each evening at least one of us seriously considers taking on a new opinion on any given subject. After one night I went and bought a book on world religion and another documenting the ongoing saga of "Peace" in the Middle East. Not exactly easy conversations.
At some point it got too hard. They have always been so warm and welcoming with Jake. Loving and asking all the right questions and saying all the right things every time, but it was too hard for me and Descartes. Too hard to take Jake and have him flip out at their house because he had such crazy sleep problems, maybe too hard to have Jake not be able to play with their precious and oh-so-smart and physically capable son Teton. Their house is on the way to my sister's house, and whereas it used to be that Dognobble's home was our final destination, we continue on to Tahoe now. They had a second child, also perfect and wonderful, and still we managed to see them, managed to get to Montana, and now all of a sudden, or not suddenly at all, Teton can barely remember who we are, and doesn't remember meeting Lucy at all.
Dognobble is very important to me; they both are, but Dognobble occupies a special place in my heart. Yes, I did date him in college, but it was a very brief relationship that turned into a much better and deeper friendship...mostly, he is important because he knew me when I was all hope. When I could still be anything in the world I wanted to be, and I was going to be. He knew me when I went dancing at least two, if not three nights out of seven, and still managed to work 80 hours a week, and still have more energy to make cakes for friend's birthdays and drop in on a recording session or two, just to hear people lay down amazing music.
I am pouring myself a glass of wine and toasting Dognobble. Toasting all of his successes, and his beautiful wife, and his amazing children...and his ability to help me remember some of who I was when it is hard for me to see that bright-eyed girl in the mirror. Thanks Dognobble, and Happy Birthday dear friend.