19 October, 2007

How to be a Bad Parent Lesson #6347

...let your kids play in dog shit....

You may think that your kids are safely playing on the secured, no-way-out deck watching the street scene from the front of your house. You might think, "Hey. I bet my kids are getting hungry for dinner. I'll just run upstairs and make them something and have it all set when they come up. Wow, I am such a genius."

I thought all of those things. And then, just as I was setting cute little trays onto the counter with home made shredded barbecue chicken, persimmons and raspberries for Jake, and a little perfectly cut chicken salad and cheddar cheese sandwich for Lucy, paired with strawberry yogurt, persimmons and grapes... chocolate milk for the girl, whole white milk for the boy... happy mommy chair between the two to facilitate more consistent eating....just as I was all set. I realized it was too quiet. I had been upstairs for 7 minutes.

There is a reason Jake has protective supervision.

Jake had climbed OVER the baby gate and gone into the side yard. The side yard is a point of contention in my marriage because this is where our TWO golden retrievers relieve themselves. It is also where Descartes very, very, rarely and only with considerable nudging picks up said "relief packages." I clean it up once a month if Descartes doesn't; this is one of "his jobs" in our divided labor household. He has not cleaned it up, and I did it two weeks ago. (It has since been cleaned and sanitized mom...so no comments on that please!)

So there is Lucy hanging on the baby gate pointing at her big brother who is standing squarely between 15 gigantic piles of poo. There is none on him, none on his shoes, none on his hands. He is in the middle of it just standing there.


This is one of those moments in parenting where I had to **really** think hard as to how to fix this situation. No one was really in danger.. those situations I have down, no problem... but when there are moments like these it is harder for my tired mind.. maybe it's because my adrenaline doesn't kick in. Moments like these.. I need a Double Strength Diet Rockstar.

So I put Lucy upstairs and gated her in and locked the dogs with her then I went around the back of the house and down to the side yard and plucked Jake out of the poo. It was only on his way out of the area, with mommy having startled him, that Jake stepped into a big old stooopid stinky pile of it.

I closed the gate behind us, stripped Jake down and marched him straight into the tub inside the house, shutting the door behind us so Lucy would not think that it was family bath time.

I used the rest of the Hibiclens and a bottle of dial soap. I trimmed Jake's nails and emptied the water a few times.... and there was never any poo on his body at all.. just his shoes.

Then I bleached the tub, and walked out of the bathroom with Jake.. only to find Lucy had fed her dinner to the dogs, and had started to eat Jake's dinner. Lovely.

I have now left my children unattended and let them play in poo and after all of that I still found myself trying to make [more] dinner while the kids are whining and ready to eat "right this very second."

Somehow we managed.

By the time Descartes got home I had both children fed, bathed, jammied and in bed.


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