a call from Jake's school yesterday:
"Uhm, we couldn't find Jake's notebook."
This is because I'm a flake and couldn't find it after a week of spring break. Couple that with my trip to New Orleans, and that pretty much means I sent my non-verbal son back to school to explain his week of break, on his own. Smooth. Very smooth parenting. Gah.
"We are wondering if everything is okay. He seems really hungry."
Initial panic, easily put to rest by laughter, because my son goes through phases where he eats everything in sight from 9am-3pm then nothing in the evening, or nothing all day, then has an 18 course dinner. He must be in his day phase. He's fine. He must be going through a growth spurt...again, which means I need to buy 5 more pairs of pants in the next size.
"No, I mean he's really, really hungry."
Mild panic again: do they think I don't feed him? Does he have a tapeworm? Of course he has a tapeworm, because that is exactly what we need in our family right now is to deal with a tapeworm.
"He ate half a bag of pretzels."
Phew. Nothing wrong there. Unless they mean one of those Costco-sized bags, but I think they'd be more specific right? RIGHT?
I end the call with the promise that I will replenish the cupboards at school, and a request that they please let the boy eat whatever he needs.
this morning in the Not-so-Mini Van:
"Mom, why did you make that frustrated sound?"
Okay good, she still doesn't recognize swearing, or maybe that time I actually didn't swear. Sh*t. I really need to watch my damn mouth. Sh*t. Sh*t.
"Mom, who made you frustrated?"
Oh, I am so tempted to call out her father, her precious 'I love my daddy more than I love my mommy' father, because he seriously left me with a car that is not 'a bit low' on gas. The damn car, after moving 15 feet from the driveway, has a little orange light on that is saying: 'Ha Ha! I know you have no credit card and no ATM card, and you spent your last dollars buying gas for your husband's car yesterday because you didn't want to leave him with a car with no gas in it. Ha hahahahahahah! You have no money, and no gasoline.'
"Well, Lucy. I just want you to know, that when you use someone's car you should always make sure that you fill up the tank, or at least make sure they have enough to get them where they need to go."
"Is that why Daddy gave you monies? Did he forget to put gas in the car mom? Is the engine going to stop working mom? Can we still get donuts?"
Sh*t that girl is SMRT. Remind me not to have any conversations in front of her ever again. Sh*t. STOP SWEARING jennyalice! Oh good this is only in my head.
"Lucy, calm down, we are fine and there's time for donuts and we will not run out of gas.
Because, thank God! there's a gas station nearby.
"We're all good Lucy.