25 January, 2010

If You Don't Try, You Can't Fail

So I've been thinking lately that I have been holding back...sort of unwilling to unleash myself on the world,

because I don't want to fail.

It's not specific things, it's sort of a general feeling, though there are certain markers, like I haven't been writing as much here or anywhere. I just sort of feel stopped. or stunted. or hesitant. or unsure, or like I am playing it all a little too safe? (the picture to the left is Lucy when she was, uhm, 6 months old? *way* too young to be holding up a helmet that big, but Descartes title this photo "Safety First" and it cracks me up every time I see it.)

I think I have spent so much of my time worrying about Jake's school placement, that when he settled in to the Morgan Center so quickly I did not quite know what to do with myself last semester. As relieved and grateful as I am, I feel like I lost my footing. A little bit similar to the time in my life (13 years ago this week!?) when I stopped writing dark and dreary poetry because I fell in love with Descartes and I was so joyous, and found myself so enamored, bewitched, captivated and charmed by him that I had no room left for all that angst.

It's just a quirk, a little glitch, but I really do feel off kilter.
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