01 April, 2014

Being Hopeful Is Never a Mistake

Over the last few weeks I scanned-in, then shredded, thousands of pages of our life, old documents that were taking up space. The guest room is not a place where old memories should go to die, and so I pulled out a giant bin and began re-living moments of pain, distress, and joy as I watched old bills, prescription leaflets, and holiday cards float across my table. I cried a little, smiled a lot, and more than once clutched a few sheaves against my chest wondering how we moved past some of the hurdles in our past.

I was amazed by how many pages I remembered instantly, where I was, how tired, or happy, or anxious the words made me at the time. When I hauled those bags out to the recycling bin, and there will be more of them, I poured in those pieces of paper and I knew these things:
  1. I really didn't need to keep most of that paper in the first place.
  2. I now have a digital copy if I ever need it again.
  3. My brain has a lot more room in it now that it is not holding on to "Where is that specific paper from 2004?"
More importantly, sifting through all of those documents, medical and educational, family journal pages and scraps of paper, I was able to see how my son has grown. His IEPs have finally taken shape and the words on them really matter; there were milestones and he has met them. There were medical queries and they have been answered.

It is obvious that being hopeful is never a mistake. Before we used the words "presume competence," I can see that we tried, and as we've grown in understanding, we've expanded our thinking, changed our behavior, and developed expectations for ourselves and our family.

We're not done figuring things out, but at least I know there's a little more room to do it now.


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