11 May, 2010

Tranche de Vie

When searching for something else in my Gmail, I came across this exchange...Lucy was only 7 weeks old at this point, and it was summer which means shorter school days for Jake,  with no additional respite.

an email from my mom 
Mon, Aug 7, 2006 at 10:14 PM:
Hi Jenny Alice
I'm so very worried about you... are you OK?

and my response:
Mon, Aug 7, 2006 at 10:26 PM
hi there
I am okay mom.

I have a newborn baby and a 5 1/2 year old autistic kid, so any day is going to look hard.

Some days are harder than others, but generally even on those days it's not hard all day.

This morning, when Lucy and Jake were both crying I thought for a brief moment that I just would not be able to do this, would not be able to actually live this life.

Then the phone rang, and I thought, "No. This life, this life I can't live. It is too much."

Then Lucy had a blowout, and I thought "Okay, now THIS this is too much I can't do it".

Then Jake wanted something to drink.

Then I had to fax 24 pages to the credit union

Then I had to fax 10 more pages (and my fax machine goes VERY SLOWLY.)

Then they told me that I couldn't get my kid into the dentist until September.

Then I remembered that the babysitter has a twisted ankle and can't come today.

Then Lucy wanted to nurse. And I thought "Wow. This just keeps getting harder doesn't it?"

and then,
Lucy gave me a great smile, and 5 minutes later Jake sat on the potty.
and when he got out of the tub this evening he gave me huge hugs.

and I made delicious Thai chicken for dinner that my husband loved. I even remembered to brine the chicken first.

and now I am okay, and the dishes are done.

and I am looking on the Internet for communication devices for my son.

and we are going to be fine.

I have a great life...I get to appreciate very small things. Some people don't even notice the small things.

I know it is hard for you to have me have a hard life. You must have done a pretty good job raising me if I can bear it all and still have fun, and stay married. So pat yourself on the back and go to bed. 

Don't worry anymore tonight...there will always be tomorrow
I love you-

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