20 January, 2004

WHoo HOOOO! Jake had a good day at school.

Jake is out of the episode. He slept all night last night. I am so relieved.. He also had a great day at school. We had to rush for the bus again.. that kid can really be a cranky pants when he doesn't want to get dressed. Rush rush rush.. we were fine on time, but the bus was already there. I hate that, it makes me feel like I am late. I hate to make others wait for me. And of course our neighbor is sitting in his car, ready to start his " I'm cool, and hip 'cause I'm an artist" day...just watching me rush by with my Ataxic child in his bright yellow wheelchair/stroller and me in my Old Navy yoga pants and tennis shoes my mom bought me (because I can't afford to buy $125.00 tennis shoes for my self) and to think I thought I looked great five minutes ago.. before Jake and I had that spat about him getting dressed.. because I am going on another 3 mile walk, **all by my self**.... and now I am just another frazzled looking stay-at-home mom who is racing to the bus with her kid.
Of course, I walked and felt like a million bucks afterwards. Had some POM with tangerine. Some of the best stuff on the planet..almost worth the $4 a pop for a single serve (normally I save some and put it with club soda over ice... or worse yet, tastes great with vodka!but I drank up almost the entire thing!)
Got dressed and went to pick up Jake from school... GREAT DAY WHOOOOOO HOOOOOOO! What a relief! I am so sad when he is hard for the teacher to deal with. The last thing I ever wanted to have was a child who was disruptive in school... and now he's disruptive in the special class. great. isn't that special. but who cares, today was good!
So now he is at home and I am at work (obviously not working) and I miss him terribly. This whole thing about women of this generation having it all? well we don't.... I am no longer making over 100k and I am also not really a full-time stay at home mom. I have sacrificed a little of both here... sometimes it feels like a lot of both. And now I have a friend asking me to interview for a position at the company she works for in Cupertino... but that would mean traffic and real work... and a real salary, and real day-care, and a ugh I just don't know.

19 January, 2004

just getting started

Jake is coming out of an episode. It's hard to say if they are really getting better. It seems like they are farther apart, and last longer, but they aren't as drastic as they were before...no blood, no black eyes. Well, actually I guess he did break my nose during the last episode in November. I can't wait until he's a daddy and I can tell him that one when he is whining about some little parenting nightmare of his own. So far he's only three and he's given me a black eye, a broken nose, and bruised eye socket, permanent scars on my hand form his biting, and those are just the things I haven't blocked from my memory.
I have been thinking about writing a book "How to Really Survive with a Special-Needs Kid." Not only does no one tell you how hard parenting really is, but certainly no one knows how to prepare you for raising a special needs kid. Though I suppose, even if I wrote a book, and made it specific to the bay area, it still wouldn't capture the "how to's" for most of the people we know. My husband I and I use dark humor to get through most days, peppered with crying (me), swearing (me) drinking too much Charles Shaw (both of us) and watching mindless television (Descartes).
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